Widukind Diary Entry #14

Topic 1) Emperor penguins, other than having some of the cutest babies on the planet (after this kid, this kid, and this dog), are awesome. I'm sure most of you are familiar with what the parents go through to just have a baby thanks to March of the Penguins, but I can't help to make one observation: after millions of years of evolution, why do they still waddle around with their flippers out like they just shit themselves and have half of a gigantic feces log poking in and out their asshole? I understand that they're birds and that they're incredibly good swimmers, but their lives would be incredibly easier if they could walk somewhat normally. And before you tell me that Emperor Penguins that could walk well would be the ultimate evolutionary-superbeing, last time I checked frogs can swim and hop around pretty well and haven't taken over the world yet. There are even birds that can fly and swim. Either God has a sense of humor, or penguins are just stupid.

Topic 2) I saw a Michelin commercial the other day that had something to do with a guy and his dog, and then at the end it says "Few relationships in life are more important than between you and your Michelin tires". I understand that they mean the safety provided by their tires helps protect the relationships you treasure most, but c'mon. Tires are fucking tires. My tires have never taken me out to fucking lunch.

Topic 3) This was something Hungryfortacos and I discussed on our fantastical journey through New York City. We talked about alot, but this was the only thing I wrote down: "imagine how hard it would be to get a hold of someone in Ancient Rome?" I mean, think about trying to arrange a meeting between you and your buddy Graccus who lives on the other side of town. Let's say that somehow you set it up to meet at the Pantheon when the sun reaches so-and-so height, so you take all morning to walk all the way to the Pantheon, but unbeknownst to you Graccus got a case of the runs this morning and couldn't make it. So Graccus sent a little page boy running all the way across Rome to tell you that his master has the runs, but by the time he gets there it's too late and you're halfway there. Then what? I bet one of the most underrated things about Ancient Rome was the amount of people milling around awkwardly waiting for their friend to show up. Nobody talks about that in the history books.

Topic 4) If you're more than 10 minutes late to a class, don't show up. If you do, and god forbid you do it regularly, you seriously need to take a step back and reexamine your life.

Out like non-baseball season!

Also, tune in to http://www.wmre.fm/ 12-2 AM EST tonight for the 5th installment of Wonder Mike Radio. Plenty of Redman to go around.