Widukind is a Fantasy God a.k.a. Fantasy Football Review

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Well, well, well. Another fantasy season, another championship for Widukind. God it's great to be me. Here is the season in review; I start out looking over the draft, and then proceed to my end-of-the-year awards.

Best Pick: Tom Brady, 22 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!). I came in to this saying to myself that I wouldn't reward anyone for picking a Patriot, until I was reviewing the draft results and saw an oddly astute Harrison snatching up Brady in the 2nd round. I also don't mind giving Harrison this award because he proved himself a much more capable fantasy player than I had ever imagined, and somewhat made up for his absolute disgrace of a performance in baseball.

Honorable Mention: Patrick Willis, 108 overall, banana cumcakes. Clay made him the first defender taken off the board, and for good reason. The dude defines "cornfed".

Best Value Pick: Tony Romo "No Homo", 62 overall, SploogeOnMyBreakfast. Yahoo!'s 3rd overall point scorer needed to prove himself this season, and he did more than that, garnering respect even from a few Niner faithful (most notably, me and Clay).

Honorable Mention: Adrian Peterson, 51 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!).

Worst Pick: Calvin Johnson, 46 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!). Rookie wide receivers are pretty iffy, and Harrison could have had a plethora of guys with this pick that would have made his team unstoppable. In hindsight this makes the "genius" Adrian Peterson pick make more sense.

Honorable Mention: Larry Johnson, 3 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!). Hey, you win some, you lose some.

Also, pretty much all of Ilan's picks except for Greg Jennings.

Best/Worst Trade: We didn't pull off a single trade in this league. Wow. How the hell did that happen?

Dumbest Drop: Earnest Graham, September 30 (2:11 AM???), SploogeOnMyBreakfast. Harrison let him go, you swept him up, and promptly released him. Juanfeesh came in for the rebound the same day.

Honorable Mention: Brian Urlacher, October 29, SploogeOnMyBreakfast. Mark gave up on a down-and-out playmaker, and Urlacher fell right in to my lap and carried me in the playoffs.

Smartest Add: Wes Welker, September 4, Ass+Cum+Blood=Salsa. Second reward for a Patriot pick, but there's no debate; went undrafted, picked off waivers right away. Alex never looked back.

Almost the Luckiest Fucking Fantasy Player...Again: Archibald Hunter of loose goose. Earlier in the year Archie famously claimed "I don't know shit about baseball" but still dominated the league. However, I ultimately came to the rescue and saved us from the horror of addressing him as our champion. As football also came to a close, the Tory was close to sneaking away with another undeserved championship (he was starting Alex Smith until Week 16 for gods sake), but I once again stopped him in his path.

Worst Fantasy Manager Ever: Ian Anderson of letsgostagsbaby. In all due respect, I feel really bad for Ian. This team didn't look half bad coming out of the draft, but he made no effort to maintain his squad, and ended up 1-13. Another embarassing performance from Woolly has his head on the chopping block for next years potential cutdown on owners.

The Ravens (a.k.a. the only manager to lose to the worst manager ever): Juanfeesh of cum_ice_cubz. Nice going.

The 49ers (**deep sigh**): vicklicksdogshit. Andy put up an unbelievable 52 points one week, and finished third to last in overall scoring (for the two below him, look up a few inches). As new commissioner, this is my second head I have placed on my proverbial chopping block, as I've come to believe Andy only joins our leagues to see if he can beat us making hardly any moves, which so far has yet to happen. Bastard.

The Patriots: SploogeOnMyBreakfast. A 14-0 regular season was certainly impressive, but Mark couldn't win when it counted. Bill Simmons wrote an article earlier in the year discussing how hard an undefeated season in real and fantasy football is; poor Mark now knows this all too well. I can only hope this is a sign of what is to come for our beloved Patriots. (I'd also like to note that while Mark will of course bring up this as his potential 3rd football championship in a row, in 2005 his championship team "Mom its just ketchup" was 7th in overall scoring. Additionally, in 2006, his winning squad of "Explosive Diarrhea" was 4th in overall scoring. What a fluke.)

Champion: Me (Mark and Alex can complain all they want, but it was Poodi Johnson who ended up as the top-scoring team in the league. So you can suck it. Yes, my genitalia.)

A sweep of the fantasy championships will do just fine; anyone want to buy a ticket to tour my Yahoo! player profile trophy chest? No? That's ok I'll just melt all my hardware and bathe in liquid gold. All the time. Mmm yeah sue me, sue me.

Out like me from the fantasy playoffs. Oh no wait....

Not out like me from the fantasy playoffs. Much better.

kelly boner ache status

aaaaarrrrjjj is nineteeen. and SCHLOAPPPPP IS 18. and jesus is.. 2007?
enough said
but mike what the fuck are you talking about

Minutes for Sunday, December 23rd 2007

WASHINGTON D.C. - ASSOCIATED PRESS

"Desparate times calls for desparate measures" many political analysts were, and are, saying in concerns to the Joint Session of Congress President George W. Bush called on Capitol Hill last night. Here, presented unedited with exception of names, are the minutes taken down painstakingly and extremely accurately by Fantasychamp:

When Fantasychamp said what things he could try and get e and l to do together because he owns them.

Bear: To stop conjestion while driving they make a lane that is real bumpy and shitty unless you have a big car because so when traffic is hella bad you go to the bumpy road which is better than traffic as long as you're moving right? All the big cars go to the shitty one cuz they go over bumps well, its a carpool lane for big cars!
Fantasychamp: why don't they just make two lanes?
Later...
Bear: it was just a terribly planned idea.

Fantasychamp and Directv: right out there in the fog could be china or a shark big ass white shark and we'd never know
Bear: If sound waves could go straight to japan if this were the ocean than I would say yo and the guy would be the first japanese guy to ever hear yo. It's going on the internet oh shit lory's gonna read this shit!
Directv: You're taking minutes congratulations you're doing a great job!
Bear: Ok and then write "and then he almost throws up".

Bear: One day when one of us is all famous someomes gonna read this shit.
Directv: oh they're all perverts!
Bear: No! they'll say "they were even genius's back then!" when you're the dalai llamas apprentice, its Fantasychamp the expert!

Bear: Nice toss yessssss.
Directv: You know who's getting that? Japan!

Bear: I'm so close, haha, so close to having a good idea.

It's only midnight it's definitely open.

Mcdonalds on fillmore! mcdonalds on fillmore!

Poonani: He couldn't say anything to those kids! Half a block away he says "fuck you" then, nothing he just goes "keep going keep going".
Bear: Dude I just made a fool of myself. Ffffuck uhh!

Directv: We've gone one fucking mile.

Bear: Rocky horror picture show that's why I didn't want to say let's see it unless it was gay porn or something...

Poonani at the mcdonalds drive-thru oh my god.

Fantasychamp: last season of the wire they kill a cop so police wipe em all out and the series ends with baltimore being worse off than it was with the gangs. It just shows the big cycle of shit.

Bear "whisper" to Harry:
I'm so fucking high right now I can't even listen....dude, are you guys gonna stay friends with me?

Widukind Diary Entry #9

My mom found this blog and wrote on one of my posts asking why I had to use the "F-Word" so much. I really, really tried to restrain myself, but how else am I gonna put it?

Baseball is fucked up.

I was waiting for abriendo_bitches to write his Mitchell report review, which of course never came, so I thought I had to give my views on the matter. I'd first like to establish that I could care less about who was named in the report (of which the sources were two guys basically. Is that all the government of the United States, the most powerful force God has ever allowed to exist on this planet, can come up with? The government that brought down Sadaam? That faked 9/11? That killed Tupac? I mean, c'maaaaaaaaan). The reason I don't care about the names is two-fold. For one, I'm basically forced to because I've supported poor Barry through all of his trials and tribulations, and if I all of a sudden started slandering Clemens I would just be a really big douche bag. Secondly, and more importantly, I really just think baseball would be better if they just let the whole thing go.

Don't get me wrong, I'm terribly disappointed in the MLB for letting something like this go on for as long as it did. Though it's a stereotypically cream puff response, I think the impact that the rampant use of steroids had on younger generations is extremely serious, and one that major leaguers should be ashamed of causing. I also support new testing techniques that will help catch steroid abusers, and anything that will help crack down on their use. However, I also believe that there is something inherent in the game of baseball, something that can't be cleared away by lab testing and life-time bans, that played a big role in why the Mitchell Report was such a huge deal, and even why steroids were so popular in the first place.

As seen over the past few years, baseball has become a sport increasingly driven by statistics. The use of sabermetrics has risen so much, that not only are dorks like me using them for fantasy purposes, but general managers are using them to run their teams. When you pair this with the extreme nostalgia Americans have in respect to baseball, the great "national pastime", it's like mixing 2girls1cup and an underground society of poo-porn lovers.

Specific numbers like 755 and .400 are placed on pedastals made of marble, gold, and everlasting-life juice. Other more general numbers like 300 and 500 are made into exclusive clubs of elite ballplayers, who have seemingly transcended the game and are all of a sudden expected to be lighthouses of morality in this dark, cold place we call Earth full of corruption and death. But what happens when those latter characteristics creep into these wholesome groups of men? All fucking hell breaks loose.

Bonds passed 700. Clemens passed 300. Then they got linked to steroids. Consequently, they get drawn and quartered by the media week-in and week-out, while the hundreds of other ballplayers are curiously ignored. Meanwhile, Shawn Merriman runs roughshod through the NFL, goes through a similar controversy, and no one bats an eye. No media members declare football disgraced, no presidents order government investigations. Let me illustrate a key difference between baseball and football: in football, the goal of a defender is to slam his opponent to the ground, while in baseball, a hitter has to hit a leather ball someplace where it will hit nobody. Given these distinctions, logistically for which sport should steroid use be abhorred? Even a damn Tusken Raider could deduce that the use performance enhancing drugs should be greater shunned in a sport where the health and safety of players are at stake. But no. Instead, Americans care about numbers, and records set by guys 30,50, even 70, years ago, on completely different playing fields.

Journalist Mary McGrory said "Baseball is what we were, football is what we've become", a statement I love. While this quote has multiple implications that can be examined in different arguments, the one that resonates here is the fact that baseball is no longer our "national pastime". It was once the sole, dominant force in American sports, but the emergence of the NFL, NBA, NCAA, NASCAR, NAACP, NAMBLA, etc., has resulted in baseball sharing the glory. Consequently we look to the "good ol' days", times void of steroid use and full of perfect athletic "icons", and constantly compare them to the ballplayers of today. This behavior, paired with the statistical nature of baseball, have led us to the clusterfuck we find ourselves in today, with little insight in to how it will all play out.

I for one can only hope that the players do exactly what their title suggests: play. I don't want a strike, I don't want guys resorting to roids, and I don't want a big hullabaloo made about meaningless records.

I just want Tim Lincecum to stay healthy.

fuck tommy smith

So last night after an eventful and fun evening me abriendo bitches and hungry for tacos capped of the night with a lovely taste of California’s finest. Afterwards all I wanted to do was come home get in my nice comfortable bed with clean sheets (a luxury considering I have only washed my sheets at school twice this semester) and jerk it before bed. While it was hard to put of this task in such a state, I decided I would first check soccernet to see what was happening with Chelsea. While reading an article I was forced to listen to the streaming video with Tommy Smith some Turkish fuck named Janush fagmanuk and another washed up analyst who can only make it onto a soccer sites pop up video. After the big four all clashed this weekend and Arsenal and Manchester both came out on top they had all decided it has now become a two horse race.
Moments before I had been in a great mood but I found myself fuming as I realized these jackasses who cannot even get their facts straight are the ones influencing potential fans who are just starting to appreciate the game of soccer. Chelsea has had a stigma attached to them ever since Roman bought the club and they certainly deserved a bit of that considering the money they spent. Arsenal Man U and Liverpool have huge histories strong academy programs and an aura around them that attracts big players and breeds success. Chelsea were forced to buy their way into that elite club and for that they received a great deal of scrutiny. However, now that we have established ourselves and have had continued success the spending has been cut back and we are developing both English and foreign young talents. Yet still we get all the shit, when really the other big clubs deserve a great deal more. Man U spent a ridiculous 50 million dollars this summer, 22 million of which was for Anderson who hasn’t done shit. Liverpool also spent way more than Chelsea (we only paid a transfer fee for Malouda who has been great), and Arsenal, while I respect Wenge. r and their style of play, has only fielded one English player, Walcott, all season, something that certainly has negative consequences for the English national team and the EPL in general.
I for one love having constructive conversations or arguments about soccer and Chelsea or whatever but I really hate it when retarded ignorant fucks know less about the game than the average fan, and they are the ones giving ammo for other ignorant fags who wanna talk shop with me. For example, Janush believes that Man U are the favorites to win the title. His main reason was the African cup of nations and the fact that Arsenal and Chelsea loose a large number of players for the competition. While this is true for Chelsea it is not for Arsenal. He specifically mentioned the fact that Adebayor would be absent for Arsenal… Check your facts dumbshit Togo didn’t qualify for the tournament so Adebayor will be staying put. I could list countless other examples from this one clip I watched but it would take to long and I need to take a shit, but let me just say its time people start showing Chelsea a little bit of respect. I don’t care if you don’t like them and if you want to support a team whose gonna get relegated (hungry for tacos) but at least check your facts when you criticize or don’t speak at all.
Out like Man U Liverpool and Arsenal from the champions league

Ridin' low, gettin' high...

I just got Birdman's new album 5 Star Stunna. Overall it's not that great, but it has a few tracks that carry it (two that I'm not posting are "Pop Bottles", which you should have already anyways, and "Make Way", which hungryfortacos put up in his latest NFL predictions).

Here's two more:

100 Million - Birdman feat. Lil' Wayne, Young Jeezy, Rick Ross

Juanfeesh mentioned the video of this in a recent post. When I first saw the title, I was all like "Wait...100 million of what, Birdman?" Silly me! Here's the track.

We Gangsta - Birdman feat. Star and Yo Gotti

This song's nothing special, but it'll do.

Here's a bonus track I got from the blog Punch Your Mother, that I found through Nation of Thizzlam. It's a remix by Amplive of a Radiohead song with Too Short spitting over it, though I admit I don't know which two songs he used. :(.

Nude - Amplive

And just for shits n' giggles, here's another classic Bill Walton clip:

Wu-Tang Clan- 8 Diagrams Review. A Juanfeesh/Hungryfortacos Collabo in the Essay Series

Now I can't speak for Mr. Juanfeesh, but over my first semester at college, new music hasn't been as easy to come by as I hoped. In response, I found myself downloading Wu-Tang Classics, such as Raekwon's Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, and previews of upcoming shit, such as Rae's Vatican Mixtapes. So when I heard that Wu-Tang was dropping a new album, first to be released in November and then postponed til December, I went straight to Amazon.com and ordered myself up a copy, which finally came today.

Now since I picked up the album roughly six hours ago, I have listened to it straight through three times. The one thing that has struck me most about the album is the frequent lack of coherence between the rappers on each track. You don't see the back and forth verbal sparring present say on GZA's Shadowboxing or Method Man's Meth vs. Chef. Also, each verse is often separated by a hook or a few bars from the sample, preventing the rhymes from flowing into another, as demonstrated by Biggie and Meth on The What, or most of Raekwon's Guillotine (Swordz). Mr. Feesh asserts that to "the loss of ODB, who was one of the best at transitioning into his flow". While I agree with that to some extent, it's also important to note that Wu-Tang's best years and most cohesive years came more than 10 years ago, so to expect that sort of continued unity from the group may be unreasonable.

That being said, I along with Juanfeesh consider this to be a masterpiece. It has a different feel from Enter the Wu-Tang, but that does not prove to be a bad thing. The album starts off powerfully with Campfire and Take it Back, two more classical sounding Wu-Tang tracks. Method Man has the first verse on the album, and he spits gasoline that he ignites into fire throughout the rest of the album. U-God comes hard as one of the forgotten members on Take It Back, and he has a powerful presence throughout the album.

The album is at its strongest on tracks 4, 6, and 7- Rushing Elephants, While the Heart Gently Weeps, and Wolves respectively. Rushing Elephants has an old school angry Wu sound, perfectly captured in Masta Killah's verse. The Heart Gently Weeps is Feesh's "song of the year" and I would call it one of the best tracks I've heard in a while. Each verse is hot, as three of the best spitters of the group, Rae Face and Meth, absolutely destroy it, with Meth sounding like Cheese from the Wire in what I think might be the best verse of the album. The next song, Wolves, has a sort of funk feel to it with George Clinton on the chorus, and U-God once again laying down a great verse.

The second half has a sort of darker feel, and slowly Ghostface fades from the album and GZA begins to take over. There are two quirky tracks that feature primarily RZA that don't work particularly well with the rest of the album, and I would bet are part of the cause of the controversy in the group.

The album ends strongly with three powerhouse songs, starting with Windmill which according to Juan "has that old Wu-Tang feel as well, but it adds new elements that are from a newer era, especially with the sampling of a little riff from the Kill Bill soundtrack, an homage to the RZA's more recent past." I like Rae's verse on this as he speeds it up a bit. Next is Weak Spot which for John is "is undeniable in its mastery". GZA destroys it in a Liquid Swords fashion, reminding us that he just might be the best pure lyricist of the group. The CD ends with Life Changes, the ODB homage track noticeably missing Ghostface. It's a powerful track, but one that serves to highlight the lack of coherence in the group.

Since each rapper seems so isolated in the album I'm giving each a grade. Method Man deserves an A+ as he sounds the hungriest of all the members, and doesn't drop a single bad verse. U-God and Masta Killa get an A and A- respectively, as they assert their presence with authority. I thought U really was the surprise of the album. I would give Rae and GZA each a B+ as while they bring it on a couple of tracks, they are either missing or sound soft on one or two others. RZA gets a B for solid production and a couple good verses, but his two solo songs bring down the album. Inspectah Deck disappoints in my book, earning him a B-, and Ghostface doesn't come hard when he's on the album, and remains absent for most of it, meriting a C+. I think he might be buying into his own hype a little much.

That being said I'd give the album a solid 4 Tacos out of 5. While Mr. Feesh gives it a 4.5/5.
And I cannot wait to see them on concert on the 27th. I wouldn't be surprised if this was one of the last few times they tour together as a group.

The rest I leave to Senor Feesh, who chose his three favorite tracks + a little bonus:

Campfire - This song is produced masterfully, in starting with a scene around a campfire, it slowly transitions into a bad-ass rap track. It tells a story, not only in the lyrics, but in the way that the beat transforms slowly over the course of the song.

The Heart Gently Weeps Featuring Erykah Badu, Dhani Harrison & John Frusciante - I would call this one of my songs of the year. This version, unlike the leak that came out a couple of months ago, is mixed perfectly. a monumental achievement. Erykah badu and Dhani Harrison (the kin of sampled Beatle's member the late George Harrison) lay it down smoothly, and John Frusciante continues to impress me in the work that he does outside of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, showing to me that he is one of the most forward thinking guitarists in the rock game right now.

Weak Spot - My favorite beat from the album. RZA is surely one of the best producers of all time; his sound is different than anything else out there, and GZA kills it. I love it.

BONUS: Scarface - Dollar | A track off of his new album, MADE. I have only given it a couple of listens, but so far so good. This track has an old school Scarface beat, accompanied by some great rhymes, but is slower than his older work. The verses are pretty hot, but the chorus is a little soft for my conventional B.A.M.F. Scarface affliction. I still dig. Buy both albums, Wu first and Scarface second.

Out like Penny from Miami.

Widukinds Diary Entry #8

Usually I like to take my time between these to collect my thoughts and come up with something incredibly funny to please my huge fan base on teh internets, but certain things have taken place that prompt me to write again.

I am so sick of sports writers. Honestly. What the fuck is their problem?
My first issue is this whole Anthony Smith thing. Yes, he’s not great, and yes, the Patriots proceeded to pick him apart, but honestly, have sportswriters ever made more of a big deal out of some stupid little comment? The guy literally said “Yeah we gonna win, as long as we come up and do what we supposed to do.” He did say that the Steelers would win, but it wasn’t even close to a Namath-esque guarantee. Of course, since everyone loves to suck the Patriots cock nowadays, the whole thing blew up.
Every r-tard in the world: “Omygawd, Belichick and Brady are gonna be sooooo pissed now! LOL! No way the Steelers are gonna win now because of one mediocre player actually thinking that his own team, god forbid, is going to win!”
Shut up. First of all, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady aren’t idiots. Anthony Smith decided to stick up for his team, instead of providing the same cookie-cutter sound-bites everyone else was feeding to the media about the Patriots and how good they are. Are we expected to think that the Patriots thought that the Steelers were about to roll over and play dead before Smith made those comments? Uh, no. The same columnists who expressed so much disbelief at the Patriots cutthroat style early in the year all of a sudden forgot about all that. The 2007 Patriots are out to dismantle every team they play. They manhandled the Steelers, and they would have done it no matter what had been said earlier in the week. Period.
(I’d also like to point out that the Patriots were going to go after Smith anyways because he’s just not that good, so what fucking difference does it make? Also, if any Steeler fan blames Smith for causing your team to lose, you’re just a complete idiot.)
This leads into my next point of disgust: I have never seen so much sucking of a single teams genitalia in my life. Read this article. Are you kidding me, Gene Wojidsfjsfijfkdpoopski? Instead of writing this crap, why don’t you just go resurrect Golem or Frankenstein or something and staple a picture of Brady’s face to the monsters head and then jack off to it every night before you go to bed? Jesus.
And why the fuck does the media like Brady and Belichick so fucking goddamn fucking much? The guys are complete assholes. After the Baltimore game, neither gave a single compliment to the Ravens. Brady’s most flattering comment was “they made some decent plays”. He’s simply become a completely pompous asshole.
After the Pittsburgh game, Belichick said “we’ve played against a lot better safeties than him”, and something along the lines of “the play at the safety position was very inviting”. Smith didn’t say one negative comment about the Patriots as a team, or Belichick as a coach, but Belichick attacked him anyways. Let me spell that out for you:

A. Coach. Attacking. An. Opposing. Player.

It’s completely classless, yet the media loved every fucking second of it.
Belichick has repeatedly cold shouldered every coach in the traditional post-game handshake. But the media just laughs it off: “Oh that’s just Belichick being Belichick!”
So where the fuck was “Barry being Barry”? Why is Bill Belichick funny because he’s an asshole, while Barry Bonds is…well, just simply an asshole?
Why was LT criticized last year by every Patriot-cock-sucking sports reporter after calling Belichick and the Patriots classless? Are sportswriters just too embarrassed that he may be right, that the whole team-first, Tom Brady swoon-fest is actually just a cover for a bunch of cocky assholes?

I want all of these questions to be answered, ASAP. Or else I’m going to poop in a box and address it:
“TO: New England, FROM: Your Secret…Hater!!!”

Ya.

Out like the Pats in the Divisional Playoffs. Go Jags.

Widukinds Diary Entry #7

Plenty of stuff to get off my chest today...

Topic 1) If you missed out, Pretty Boy Floyd wrecked shop last night in a ridiculous bout with 'Hitman' Ricky Hatton. A TKO in 10 sent a clear message to the boxing world that Mayweather is lb-4-lb the best fighter in the world, and that Brits are poonaninanies...though I did like Hatton's bend-over after he got deducted for hitting Mayweather in the back of the head. But I didn't like the fact that the Brits apparently booed the national anthem. If there's anything that reeks of more irony (real irony or Alannis Morisette irony, whichever applies), I can't think of it, so it probably doesn't exist. What a bunch of tories.

Topic 2) I woke up today at like 10:00... AM! It was very confusing. Maybe it was my body telling me I have alot of work I should be doing instead of smoking and betting on football. But I like to think that it was my body telling me I had alot of smoking and betting I should be doing, instead of sleeping! Early bird gets the worm!

Topic 3) The other day I saw a girl walking in front of me wearing a black shirt that said "You feed on the weak, I swallow the strong!". First I was like, "ewwwwww!!!!" Then I started thinking, well swallowing the strong doesn't make sense, because contextually those people wouldn't be strong at all. So she would be actually swallowing the weak, which is alot less beneficial than actually feeding on them, because a human stomach couldn't handle a whole human nearly as well as a masticated one that had been injested piece by piece. What an odd, unintended conundrum that crazy bz put herself in!

Topic 4) I keep thoughts I have written down on my phone, and then after I write about them I delete them. But one I never got around to writing about was "Dog Day vs. Inside Man". This was right after I saw Dog Day Afternoon for the first time, and I realized it had a lot of things in common with Inside Man, but I never really wrote anything down. Now I can't remember anything. So I'm just suggesting you watch this movie if you haven't already; it's incredible.

Topic 5) How are you guys going to feel when I sweep the fantasy league championships this year? Really, really, really, inferior? Don't worry. I'll feel superior enough to cancel it out and retain equilibrium. :).

Out like all 39 of PBF's opponents.

PS. Also, I just put some GoogleAdsense thing on here. If we can make money, I say we might as well try it! That's not selling out, right? Probably won't get anything but might as well try.

We love you Rodney, and secondly you can kiss my back side...

The whole quote goes like this: we love you Rodney, and secondly you can kiss my back side," Billick said. "But, I don't take offense to what Rodney did and I hope he doesn't misinterpret my gestures, because he's not that good-looking a guy."
Nice one Brian Billick.

Big post I got for you this week: picks, Weezy and some videos so let's get it started. Last week I went 11-5 in picks and am standing at 102-58 (not counting my 0-1 so far this week) and went 8-8 against the spread putting me at 70-82-8 (not counting another 0-1). Let's get it on for Week 14.

Jags, Panthers +11 over Jags. Why a Panthers cover? Cause the Jags are gonna have a little let down after playing very, very well against the Colts.
Cowboys, Cowboys -11 1/2 over Lions. Memo to John Kitna: Why doesn't Jesus love you anymore? I hope the Lions get fucked after what he said last year and I hope Terrance Newman comes through on his promise: "He better just hope I don't blitz off the edge, because I've got 15, 25, 30 (thousand dollars), however much it would be for a fine. I've got that much for one fine."
Dolphins, Dolphins +7 over Bills. That's right, this is the week they break the streak. I'm gonna be honest, I'm rooting for them to win. I don't want to hear about an 0-16 team all offseason.
Packers, Packers -11 over Raiders. Brett Favre better be healthy for the playoffs. Fantasy football playoffs that is.
Chargers, Chargers, -1 1/2 over Titans. I just can't pick Titans games right. The Chargers look to have a little momentum going right now though.
Bucs, Bucs -3 over Texans. Fucking Texans, I needed you to cover last week.
Rams, Rams (NL) over Bengals. Don't ask why, just a gut feeling.
Giants, Giants +3 over Eagles. We win this week, we're as good as in. No Wilson, Ward, Kiwi, and probably Pierce, and wounded Butler, Ross, Smith, Jacobs, and Burress won't help though.
Cardinals, Cardinals +7 over Seahawks. I really don't think the Seahawks are good. And I loved seeing everyone say Sean Alexander is overrated cause I've felt that way for years.
Vikings, 49ers +9 1/2 over Vikings. I think I have picked more Niners games wrong than anyone else. I probably will this week too.
Pats, Pats -10 1/2 over Steelers. I bet the Pats get no calls their way this week.
Browns, Browns -3 1/2 over Jets. You gotta love Bill Simmons ruining the Browns last week by calling them his money cover team.
Broncos, Broncos -7 over Chiefs. The Chiefs are really, really bad. And I'm starting to get really, really sick of Jared Allen, one of my new least favorites.
Colts, Colts -10 over Ravens. Bummer for the Ravens last week. That's all I can think of to say cause the pundits have literally said everything else.
Saints, Saints -3 1/2 over Falcons. If you thought the Saints would only be favored by 3+ against the Falcons at the beginning of the year, people would have called you crazy.

Now here's some new Weezy for all you, this shit is hotter than a sauna:
Birdman Feat. Lil' Wayne and Fat Joe- Make Way

And two youtube gems. I expect you may have seen them, but they still deserve a spot on the blog. One is in honor of tonight's fight:

Not again...

Good God, twice in the span of two weeks I am truly saddened to report something to you. Apparently early this morning, Pimp C, one half of the duo UGK was found dead in an LA hotel. This is a huuuuuge loss for rap music as Pimp was a stalwart producer and him and Bun B really helped Houston on the map in the rap scene. Plus when I was little his verse on Big Pimpin' was fire and my favorite on the song. UGK made some waves with their double CD earlier this year (I'm not gonna lie, I thought International Players Anthem was one of the songs of the year) and Sweet Jones had just been released from jail this past year. First Sean Taylor, now this, this is not been a fun couple weeks.
RIP PIMP C

In memorium is the song with my favorite Pimp C verse:
Three 6 Mafia- Sippin' on Da Syrup (Feat UGK)

Pour a little Manischewitz for him tonight on Chanukah.

yo snoop...

Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction

By request...

Here are a couple more little ditties I've found recently:

Lupe Fiasco- Dumb it Down


This song isn't necessarily new, and despite not being the biggest Lupe fan (I liked a few of his songs but people were riding him way too hard. No homo.) this song is real hot. The Leon Spinks reference has to be the best part.

Al Fatz- Brim Low

I know I showed a few of you this track during break, and I want to grace you with its presence. On a more serious note Fatz's raps sound exactly like the ones from Came Down and this song would be balls without the "Little Drummer Boy" sample. Merry Christmas bitches.

Glasses Malone Feat. Akon- Certified

If I was in my Highlander on 18's this is what I'd be bumping through my JBL's. If you haven't heard of Glasses, get to know him. I think Game might have found him, and he has his own label on Cash Money despite not having dropped anything yet. Him and Bishop Lamont are the up and comers from the West to look out for. And guess who produced it? DJ Toomp. The man behind T.I.'s "What You Know" and Jay-Z's "Say Hello". I've found a new favorite producer. No homo.

Out like Weezy in Bape.

(He's not wearing it anymore cause Clipse said they were the hottest rappers to wear it)

Snoop Dogg is my best friend...

This is the video for the new Snoop Dogg video. It might be one of the best music videos ever as far as I am concerned, Snoop Dogg lets out all the stops, including the "PLAY" that shows up on the top corner of the screen for added authenticity. A visual masterpiece, unrivaled since the days when there were no wheel-chair ramps, and we feared the Ruskies (though I still do). It also seems like rap is moving toward a style that is much slower, almost stonie-rap, as can be heard from Devin the Dude, B.O.B., some Weezy, some UGK, and now this...

Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction

Daft Punk Alive 2007 and potential Giants offseason moves...

So I've spent the last month of baseball free agency agonizing over the Giants next horrible offseason signing. Last season it was Zito, Roberts, Feliz, and everyone else we signed except for Klesko (I mean come on, he was kinda fun to watch). This season I expected it to be Hunter and Cordero. Unbelievably, as this month passed both players were signed by idiots not named Brian Sabean. I don't care what you think of Hunter but he is an aging center fielder who will never have as good a season as he just had and there is no way he is worth 90 million over 5 years. Same with Cordero. That doesn't mean the Sabean won't still let me down soon and sign someone like Rowand (another FREAKING CENTER FIELDER) and make me cry myself to sleep for the next week thinking of the next three years of Giants baseball. But, I see hope in our future so I've begun to spend two to three hours every night perusing the internet looking for players the Giants could trade Noah Lowry for. And, when I saw that Daft Punk released their first live CD since the first ALIVE, I decided to do a "combo-post."

First to the CD. From what I have read about it, its a live recording of a concert they had in Paris. Its the same concert held at the Greek Theater a few months back that was apparently amazing. They released it to iTunes today, and I found the link on some blog so here it is along with a track listing. Bonus: apparently this is the "deluxe" edition. Don't even really know what that means, but it can't be bad.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=T60KNNT0

Tracklist:
1. ROBOT ROCK / OH YEAH
2. TOUCH IT / TECHNOLOGIC
3. TELEVISION RULES THE NATION / CRESCENDOLLS
4. TOO LONG / STEAM MACHINE
5. AROUND THE WORLD / HARDER BETTER FASTER STRONGER
6. BURNIN’ /TOO LONG
7. FACE TO FACE / SHORT CIRCUIT
8. ONE MORE TIME / AERODYNAMIC
9. AERODYNAMIC BEATS / FORGET ABOUT THE WORLD
10. PRIME TIME OF YOUR LIFE / BRAINWASHER / ROLLIN’ AND SCRATCHIN’/ALIVE
11. DA FUNK / DAFTENDIREKT
12. SUPERHEROES / HUMAN AFTER ALL / ROCK’N ROLL

On to the more important part of my post. Noah Lowry is an established lefty pitcher who is young, under contract through 2011, and did I mention is he young? He is also pretty good. Last year he was 14-8 with a 3.92 era. Two years before that he was 13-13 3.78 with over 200 IPs. Come on, you can't really try to convince me he is not a hot commodity in today's ridiculous free agent market. (potential suitors, please ignore the 1.55 WHIP from last year). So I gotta believe we can get like some totally awesome sick nasty really good players. The guy I keep coming to is Jed Lowrie. First off, they essentially share the same last name. Thus, it wouldn't even be a real trade. More like a first-name swap. Second, this is actually realistic. He is a shortstop in Triple A for the Red Sox, thus he is blocked by Lugo. Yes, the Red Sox do already have good pitching, but in my mind Santana is gonna cost too much. So, a lefty starter who is already established for a Triple A shortstop who is blocked at the Major League Level by a four year, 36 million dollar contract anyways. Who would turn that down? But don't get me wrong, Lowrie is a stud. Last year between Double A and Triple A, he hit .298, with 47 doubles, 13 home runs, and a .896 OPS. That's a damn good year. And the Giants need a fucking Shortstop because Vizquel is a fucking joke at the plate at this point even if his defense is fun to watch. This is the first of what may be a few installments of "What can the Giants get for Noah Lowry?" I need something besides work to think about and I read McCovey Chronicles everyday and that's all he talks about too. That and Miguel Cabrera trade rumors (that's what I really want for Christmas).

Bring Your Popcorn...

That's right I'm back like cooked crack with my picks after a two week hiatus. I also got a little gift for all of you at the end of the post. Make sure to check it out. The last time I did picks (pre-Thanksgiving break) I went 7-7 making me 91-53, and against the spread I did 5-8-1 making me 62-74-8. With only five weeks left I'm looking to turn this ship around. Let's do it...

(Note, lines are not from bodog cause they don't have them for all games this week yet)

Cowboys, Packers +7 over Cowboys. Brett keeps it close, but can't quite make up for the inequality of talent.
Rams, Rams -3 over Falcons. The Falcons despite their record are way worse than the Rams.
Bills, Bills +6 over Redskins. Skins are still gonna be in shock over the loss of Sean Taylor (RIP), and they don't strike me as a team who can pull together and overcome this easily.
Minnesota, Vikings -3 1/2 over Lions. This may be wishful thinking, but I do think the Vikings are a good team and the Lions are crumbling.
Houston, Texans +3 1/2 over Titans. Titans are starting to slide and the Texans are a much better team with Andre Johnson.
Indianapolis, Jags +6 1/2 over Colts. The Jags are looking real sharp and the Colts are still iffy right now in my book.
Jets, Jets +1 1/2 over Dolphins.A 0-11 team should not be a favorite. Ever.
San Diego, Chargers -5 1/2 over Chiefs. The Chargers are still only half decent but the Chiefs are not that good. Philip Rivers sucks.
Seattle, Seahawks +3 over Eagles. Definitely wishful thinking, but the Seahawks at home are tough to beat.
Niners, Niners +3 over Panthers. For some reason the Niners always seem to have the Cards number. Both of these teams are pretty bad though.
Tampa Bay, Bucs +3 over Saints. The Saints are overrated. And Reggie Bush really needs to prove he's worth all the hype. P.S. He's waaaaay too good in Madden.
Browns, Browns -1 over Cardinals (Bodog line). This is by far the hardest game to pick this week. The Browns have been the money cover team for a while now, but I got a bad gut feeling about this game.
Denver, Broncos -3 1/2 over Raiders. I wanna see JaMarcus Russel by the end of this year.
Bears, Bears +2 over Giants. Kill me now. It feels like the same old Giants. I'm praying they prove me wrong.
Bengals, Bengals +7 over Steelers. Who knows how good the Steelers are at this point. Always a fun rivalry game to watch.
Pats, Pats -21 over Ravens. They'll get right back on track this week.

Bonus:
Wyclef Featuring Akon, Lil' Wayne, and Raekwon- Sweetest Girl (Remix)
You gotta get this. It samples C.R.E.A.M.

Out like George Bluth.

Widukinds Diary Entry #6

So I was sitting in the airport the other day at my gate, and this family of four came and sat behind me. The group consisted of two really dorky parents, a 5-or-so-year-old daughter who I could already tell was going to be really stupid when she got older, and a baby boy. The little girl asked the same fucking question (“when are we going on the plane?”) like 50 times. Luckily, the mom took her for a walk. But then the dad started baby-talking to the little boy. After listening to five mind-numbing minutes of this shit, I started thinking: why the fuck do people decide to talk like babies to babies? Babies don’t even sound like that; when they gurgle they sound normal and cute, but when grown-men do it they just sound fucking retarded. Anyways, the dude starts asking his son questions like, “how were we in zone 4 on the way here, but now we’re zone 9? Can you explain that to me?” This is when I wanted to turn around and say “listen, dude, your baby is like one year old, so not only does he not understand a word you’re saying nor would he be able to articulate in proper English why your sux0r family was demoted from zone 4 to zone 9, I assure you that if he had the capacity to understand the situation, he really just wouldn’t give a shit.” Something hella clever along those lines, anyways.
Of course, I didn’t say it. But why? Why wasn’t Widukind willing to totally pwn teh nubz0r? Because for some reason it’s ingrained in our society to not speak out to total strangers who are making total asses out of themselves. I for one find this extremely hard to do. The people who don’t are usually insane, or named Sam Fisher.
I think this concept is really stupid. Honestly, don’t you think it would make the world a better place if it was socially acceptable to sound off on those around you? Things like, “hey man, you smell like dookie”, or “hey, you look like a total douche bag in those crocs” or “you really suck when you drink” (aka, large majority of women between the ages of 13 and 100). Of course, any racial epithets or derogatory statements would still be unacceptable, but any frank observation about what your fellow human is up to would be perfectly fine. First of all, it would make people aware of things they do that make other people feel uncomfortable. Second, the people who do speak up when they shouldn’t would get a mouth-full, or better yet an ass-kicking, because before the institution of my great idea, they could get away scott free without any consequences. (Yeah I’m talking you, 8-year-old smartasses on the 24! No more!) This of course leads us to the conundrum of really big strong people who also happen to be assholes who would potentially end up ruling the world, but hey, that’s natural selection, right?
This leads me to my next topic. About 20 minutes after enduring the father who was unconsciously and figuratively defecating into my ear, some other woman whipped out her baby and changed his diaper in the middle of the airport. She literally yanked off his soiled underpants, wiped down his booty and ding-a-ling, and put a new diaper on. Lucky for me she was too far away for any smell to waft its way in to my nose, but I could only imagine what the people around her thought. This would have been a situation in which my prior idea would have worked perfectly. Example: “excuse me, ma’am, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you just rubbed a towelette up and down your babies poopy bottom right in front of my nose and then started wiping all over his scrotum, which all of a sudden made me feel very perverted because I was looking at a babies penis for an extended period of time” (note, I did NOT have this last thought, whatsoever). Anyways…
So then I started thinking, this baby really doesn’t care that it’s butt-nekkid in the middle of the airport. He’s just chilling getting free full-service, balls hanging out for all to see. So why can’t we all be like that? Think about it, man! First of all, we would save money on clothes. Second of all, stupid fashion designers who think they’re the shit because they came up with the idea of having a woman wear a dried elephant cock on her crotch would be out of a job. Third of all, because everyone would be naked, everyone would live in warm places and just be happier all the time. Fourth of all, hot people would have a huge advantage because ugly people couldn’t dress up and be deceiving in order to get some, so it would only be hot people making babies with hot people. Fifth, those babies would be even hotter than usual because we’d all be living in Hawaii and everyone would be hella tan.
But of course, if everyone was hot, consequently no one would be hot, and we’d be faced with quite a conundrum.
So, in conclusion, the world would be run by hot, strong, mean people. Since I only fulfill one of those categories (hot, duh), I would die. So, natural selection=not so good for me. Which is how I just convinced myself to become a Creationist.

Out like science!

On A Serious Note...

I am sure almost everyone has heard about this already today, but Redskins safety Sean Taylor was shot late last night in an attempted robbery. Apparently he was hit in the leg and the bullet wounded Taylor's femoral artery, leaving him in critical condition at this point. From what I can tell it doesn't sound very good as he has been described as "non-responsive and unconscious". Read the whole article here.

I know here at Dress Archie we don't get serious very often, but I think now is an appropriate time. Even though Sean Taylor is a Redskin, I can still remember back to the 2004 Draft when people were calling for the Giants to pick him instead of Eli, and despite his off-the-field issues, Taylor is one of the most fun safeties to watch in the league. Hopefully he'll make a full recovery so we are able to see him play again.

I think I can speak for everyone at Dress Archie in wishing Taylor the best.

Beards are AWESOME!

I wish I was a "classical human being"...

Before Thanksgiving, a couple of us were watching ESPN and listened to the legendary Bill Walton spit some truth about the Celtics; I can't remember the exact quote, but it was something along the lines of "the Celtic fans are finally coming out like seeds in Death Valley after that one final elusive rain"...something like that. Basically this guy is a quote machine, and here is an unbelievable one:



WHAT? I mean. What? That guy Frank Caliendo does good impersonations, but sometimes there's nothing better than the original.

When I say Dre, you say Boner!

After DJR (Juanfeesh, that should be your MC name) and DJ Hart offered up their super-top-secret mixtapes to the public, you knew MC Dre Boner would eventually have to get in the mix. As I mentioned in my most recent diary entry, I’d been absolutely swamped with work, but now that I won’t have any big assignments until finals, let’s get the ball rolling.
I’m going to admit this isn’t really a mixtape; instead, it’s more like a plug for a few hot albums I’ve come upon recently. Also, the new Dipset stuff is admittedly a few weeks old due to me being so busy, but whatever. It’s all money.

MC Dre Boner (Free, but donations appreciated. Please make all checks out to the "Dress Archie Hunter Fund".)

Can’t Hurt My Style – Cam’ron, off of his new mixtape Public Enemy #1. This is a standard Killa Cam track; straight militaristic with some funky shit thrown in. Mr. Giles flames “like Benihanas” in this one.

Child of the Ghetto – Cam’ron, Public Enemy #1. Apparently Cam is “filet mignon”, and we’re all just “steak ‘ums”. Gotta love it.

Cha Ching – Cam feat. Hell Rell, Public Enemy #1. Nation of Thizzlam and DJ Hart gave some love to “Just Us” and “Hot Mess”, two great songs off this same mixtape, but I’m convinced that “Cha Ching” takes the cake. If someone asked me what Dipset sounds like, I’d probably play them “Monster Music”, and then this song. Hell Rell claims he “packs the toast, but you hogging the butter”. Sorry Ruger!

LA Track – Jim Jones, off of Harlem’s American Gangster. I thought this deserved some recognition, because of Hungryfortacos’ most recent post explaining the return of the Roc. Apparently, Jimmy thinks otherwise; this mixtape came out as a diss towards Camel Joe. Basically, Hova is a wanna-be Harlem gangster, while Jones has been repping the town all along. The only issue for me was that pretty much this whole mixtape sucked, except for this track. Even this song sounds like it was thrown together way too fast.

Smartz – Scarface, off of The Untouchable. This is a major throwback that I recently discovered. Honestly, this album is now easily one of my tops of all time. When it comes to supplying the funky base and head-bobbing tracks, Scarface puts all others to shame.

Sunshine – Scarface feat. Lisa Crawford, The Untouchable. I don’t know who Lisa Crawford is, but she really pulls an Akon on “Beautiful Escape” here (I’m such a bitch); all she says is “sunshine” every now and then. Whatever. Scarface brings it here.

Untouchable – Scarface, The Untouchable. The title track says it all. Scarface comes hard (maybe homo…that phrase is such a layup).

Body Rott – Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, The Art of War. Another old album I unearthed recently. I have no idea what “body rott” is, but the fucking police better do it. OK I just realized that it probably has something to do with dying. Fucking fuzz!

Clog Up Yo Mind – Bone Thugs, The Art of War. “Sit back and let this thug shit clog up yo mind”. Yeah, I’m quoting the song, but I’m also telling you to do it. Great track.

Ottos Journey – Mylo, off of Destroy Rock and Roll. I totally didn’t steal this from DJR. (No) Thanks, Juanfeesh. I was disappointed you didn’t put this on your high playlist, so here it is for all the stoners, ahem, appreciators of synthesizers, out there.

Got To Be There – Toots and the Maytals, off of In The Dark. I was introduced to Toots towards the beginning of school, and I was fortunate enough to see him live in Atlanta about a month ago. Toots is known as Bob Marley’s bassist, and also as the guy credited for coining the phrase “reggae”. He was unbelievable live. Wow this mixtape is really changing course.

Pressure Drop – Toots and the Maytals, In the Dark. You should all recognize this from the famous “Kingston” mixtape that lived, and finally died, in the namesakes old Saab. That car was teh rox0r.

Sweet and Dandy – Toots and the Maytals, True Love. This album is more upbeat and not as good as In the Dark, but I challenge you; try not to get up and start hopping around to this one a little after a minute.

Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In) – Kenny Rogers & the First Edition, from the Big Lebowski Soundtrack. I just saw this movie again, and I couldn’t believe I forgot this song, and one of the best tripper video montages I can remember.

Oh My God – Michael Franti, from Stay Human. So I asked one of the kids from Nashville if he had rap on his iTunes, and he played me this. He even said he had some “bay shit”. First I laughed… then a beautiful relationship was born. Michael Franti is a local guy that’s been slept on, but he’s for real.

Well that’s all for now. If you like this shit, which you should or else you suck, go out and download, ahem, buy The Untouchable, Art of War, and In the Dark. Cam’s mixtape is free and is available off of his myspace. Get on it.

Widukinds Diary Entry #5: Boston Fans Need to Shut the Fuck Up Already...

I apologize for the lack of posts, but I've been so damn busy this past week I simply haven't had time. But honestly, I'm fucking sick of this fucking shit. This is prompted by a lot of stuff I've been reading and hearing over the past few weeks. So here's a memo from me to Boston:

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

We all know how great Boston sports are doing. I just wrote a sentence outlining the situation, but then I said to myself, "You know what, fuck this fucking shit."
If you don't know what's going on in Boston, I want to come live with you. My only issue with that solution is that plane tickets to FUCKING NAMIBIA are expensive as shit.
I thought the bragging and shit-talking and celebrating was annoying; now you're gonna feed me this unbelievable, diarrhea-barf-inducing SHIT about how you miss the good ol' days of losing? You know what? Fuck you, asshole.
In terms of the Red Sox, I would first like to point out how everyone seems to forget the Cubs haven't won a World Series in a long time too. Oh my god, I literally just thought to myself what the reaction would have been if it was Manny Ramirez who Steve Bartman fucked up, and at Fenway not Wrigley. Books would be written. Talk shows would be wasted. ESPN would devote 5 minutes to that highlight every show. For 10 years. Ew.
Second of all (still on the Red Sox here), you actually don't know what it's like to not win a World Series for 86 years. Sorry... asshole. Given that most true fans don't develop until say, 8 years of age(this is a lenient estimate), that would mean you would have been 94 years old in 2004. Take out the percentage of 94 year olds who are lying in bed drooling and pooping their pants 8 times a day (this suggests that they can't remember 1918 anyways, obviously) that's not alot of people left alive. Not to mention the percentage of the people who still are functional at 94 who are actually Sox fans.
Third of all, the Red Sox have been a very good baseball team for sometime now, so all you teenagers can shut the fuck up too about how painful it was to lose so much.

Stupid Boston Fan #1: "Oh but the Patriots were really bad for a long time. I know how it feels."
Stupid Boston Fan #2: "I miss when all us Red Sox fans wallowed together in our own despair."
Stupid Boston Fan #3: "The Celtic have been soooooooo pathetic! OMFG I eat semen!"

No, how about you shut the fuck up. Statements like these prove you have no idea what you're talking about. I don't buy the crap one bit about Boston fans missing losing; this to me is so much more obnoxious than any gloating I can imagine. I didn't read Bill Simmons 5 years ago, but I can (almost) guarantee you he never wrote a goddam column about how awesome it was that the Red Sox kept blowing it and he could bond with his fellow brewskie-drinking asshole friends. Winning is awesome. Winning is fun. Winning > Losing. Clearly Bostonians don't get algebra.

I've come to realize that true fans of sport acknowledge the diminished value of winning a championship. There's one every year; if it's not ours, then there's always next season. If our team does win, the buildup to the next season is exactly the same. We live with our teams, claim that their offseason signings and trades are utter genius, and still cheer them on when they turn out to be really sucky and have lost 8 games in a row and are starting Trent Dilfer.

If you have yet to catch on, I wouldn't be writing this if Bay Area sports hadn't reached their utmost suckfuckiness since...4 BCE (the Ohlone were apparently sick at corn-chucking). This is serving as a pact to myself when in 5 years Bay Area sports reign supreme, and we are all treated like gods and served those platters with grapes on them and have lots of concubines, I will NEVER, EVER, NEVERFUCKING EVER, reminisce to November, 2007, and say, "You know, those were the good ol' days."

Out like me from the Dirty in 24 hours.

Hungryfortacos Analytical Essay Series: Entry #2: The Year of the Roc?

These past few days of procrastination have led to multiple days of multiple music downloads. The more music I have downloaded, the more of a common thread I have found. About 1 in every 3 songs I download either are by, or feature the same three artists. And all three come from the same label: Roc-A-Fella Records. These three artists are none other than Jay-Z, Beanie Sigel, and Freeway. In an earlier post on this blog, I made the assertion that the month of December could be the biggest month in the near future for rap music. I still believe that this is the case, but now, whether or not the month of December plays out the way I and the other contributors on the blog want it to, the next year in rap music may be dominated by the Roc. Backing up Jay-Z's earlier claim that "R-O-C is running this rap shit".

The first album release by one of these artists was Jay-Z's American Gangster, which dropped a couple weeks ago. I remained hesitant to buy this album at first, I never heard much of anything off Kingdom Come, but I heard it sucked, so I was skeptical of his newest effort. However, as I sat blazed to shit in the room of a buddy of mine in one of the frats on-campus, I found myself hearing a familar Brooklyn accent boasting "And I don't need a hook for this shit". This was not "Change Clothes" or "Show Me What You Got" Jay-Z. No, this was Reasonable Doubt Jay-Z. I came back to my room and after yacking, promptly downloaded the entire album. And I found, not just was the song "No Hook" fire, but the whole album was fire. Especially the songs "Blue Magic", "Ignorant Shit" and "Oh Hello"- my personal favorite, produced by DJ Toomp, the man behind T.I.'s "What You Know". This album was Jay-Z back to his old form, meaning the disputed "Best Rapper Alive" or "King of New York" proves he's worth the title belts he wears.

The next album scheduled to be released is Freeway's Free At Last. Every song I've downloaded so far from this album features big name artists, and Freeway consistently outshines them on the tracks. Scarface, Weezy, and Busta Rhymes all feature, and all come away sounding second-fiddle to Freeway. This album will not generate massive sales or publicity. However, the blogging world and the internet rap scene all seem to be trying to get Freeway tracks. People who know rap know Freeway has massive talent, as demonstrated in his freestyle I put up in my new music, and if he can generate some positive reviews and some buzz around his album, the Roc will have quite possibly its second-most talented lyricist rebuilding the dynasty.

I already mentioned Beanie Sigel in my previous essay, yet I want to add a few more words on the Mack. Beanie is only featured for 8 bars on Jay-Z's "Ignorant Shit" off of American Gangster, but as soon As Jay-Z cuts him off, I always feel a yearning to hear him spit more. I didn't particularly like his song with R. Kelly (I thought the beat and hook were mediocre), but I found myself constantly going back to listen to the song. Beanie always leaves you wanting more, and if his album can satiate that yearning, his album might be the hardest thing of the year to stop listening to.

A few years ago, Jay-Z built the Roc-A-Fella dynasty on the backs of weak rappers such as Memphis Bleek and Chris and Neek of Young Guns. While these individuals received the hype as the Roc became one of the most highly respected labels in Rap, Beanie and Free sat sitting in the wings, with their hungry but not particular radio-friendly music. Now as rap music gets more and more assimilated into the mainstream (for evidence see: Soulja Boy, 50 Cent, T-Pain and any other soft-serve eating bitch), the slept-on rappers of years past are what are needed to keep rap alive. And with Jay-Z's revival and the emergence of Freeway and Beanie, Roc-A-Fella is in position to rebuild the dynasty and reclaim dominance in the genre.

I was going to do this post yesterday...

But instead I got high. So now it is today.

This is a little list of songs/albums that I have compiled that entertain me when I am...yeah. Some are old, some are new, and one is a new incarnation of an old favorite. Enjoy.

Bleep #1 - Motor | This is the new incarnation of a fan favorite Silent Shout by The Knife. Not quite up to the same level, but it has similar components, which has all the makings for an IP rock and roll session. Mmhmm...

The What (ft. Method Man) - The Notorious B.I.G. | An old favorite, but I feel that this song was produced perfectly in its slight nuances, something that I only am really able to recognize when I am...yeah. Just listen to the ambient noise behind the song, you can almost hear the stylus on the vinyl.

4th Chamber - GZA | Another old favorite. This song has you listening with curiosity and wonder during the monologue in the beginning, and then the music just seems to rise out of the stereo speakers. Even when I am not altered I still try to find the meaning of this song, and I am pretty sure I will be able to discover the truth at some point. Please keep me informed. RZA, I hail thee.

Spaghetti Groove - Da Fresh | I just recently posted this song with the video that went along with it, and it is probably my favorite dance song when I am squinty-eyed. Dental floss...

Discovery - Daft Punk | This is a whole album, and it is probably one of my top five of all time, sober or NOT. Watching the Interstella 5555 video that was created to go along with it in the same state just makes the whole experience all the better. Key tracks: All of them. But seriously:"One More Time", "Aerodynamic", "Digital Love", "Harder, Better, Faster", "Crescendolls", "Superheroes", "Hight Life", "Something About Us", "Voyager", "Veridis Quo", "Short Circuit", "Face to Face", and definitely "Too Long" (which is actually 10 minutes, but they are all SWEET.) God Damn! I'm starving. I'm going to go order some Dominoes...to the room!

Out like Barry Bonds won't be for 30 years... (sitting duck)

He took a slide into home plate...

This is what Plaxico Burress said about TO last year before calling him a coward. Here are this weeks picks, I'm keeping it short cause of my last post.

Titans, Jags +5 over Titans*
Chiefs, Chiefs -3 over Broncos
Bills, Bills -3 over Dolphins*
Steelers, Browns +10 over Steelers*
Saints, Saints -11 over Rams
Panthers, Panthers -4 over Falcons
Skins, Skins -3 over Eagles*
Packers, Vikings +6 over Packers
Bengals, Bengals +3 1/2 over Ravens
Raiders, Raiders +3 1/2 over Bears
Giants, Giants +2 1/2 over Cowboys
Cards, Cardinals pick over Lions*
Chargers, Chargers +4 over Colts
Seahawks, 49ers +10 over Seahawks

Last week picks 9-5, season 84-46
Spread picks 7-7, season 57-66-7

Ohh Hellooo...

Now, while Juanfeesh may be spending loads of time "on his computer looking for music" (AKA listening to music while downloading lots of porn and making a mixtape for all of us for thanksgiving), I have been listening to lots of old music. I haven't really gotten all that much new shit, and the new shit I have copped I've been trying to put up here for all of you. But these last couple days I have compiled some new stuff to bump to. Some of this isn't quite a DJ Hart smoker- to quote the wire- but hopefully it'll keep your palette moist until December.


Let's Get It

(The order might be fucked up but I think all the songs have titles and info, if you have problems let me know)

Andre Nickatina- Seven Letters Coked Out: What are these seven letters? C.O.C.A.I.N.E. A new Nicky song without Queezy or Mike Meezy. I like. Courtesy of Nation of Thizzam.

Freeway- It's Over: I'm really looking out for Free's new album. This song is decent, I'm feeling the trumpets or whatever they are in the backgroud.

Saigon Feat. Swizz Beats, and Jay-Z (Produced by Just Blaze)- Come On Baby (Remix): This is fire. From what I can tell, the Saigon + Just Blaze collabo is gonna turn out real nice.

Bishop Lamont Feat. Chevy Jones and Indef- Caltroit: Bishop Lamont is apparently Dre's new protege. This is off his new mixtape. Not bad at all.

Lil' Wayne- One Night Only: The first of a few Weezy tracks. Off The Drought is Over 4. What else needs to be said, it's Weezy.

Cam'ron- Just Us: Another one courtesy of the Nation. Cam covering Don't Stop Believin'. It was only a matter of time before this got sampled. However, curiously, Cam is going for a much softer sound on his new shit. It's weird. But you gotta love the line: Gave her a Sanchez/Yes a dirty one. Oh Cam you rascal.

Buddah Monk- Killa from the Villa: This guy Buddah Monk is a Wu-Tang disciple and I like his shit a lot. It's got a real dirty sound to it, I think due to the fact that he was influenced big by ODB.

Project Pat Feat. Pimp C- Talkin' Smart: A song I really like off Project Pat's new CD. Correction, Project Pat's new CD that was "Critics Choice" in the NY Times. No lie. The best thing about this CD is the choruses. They remind me of Triece and Computer.

King Crimson- In the Court of the Crimson King: The only non-rap song on here. Sorry, if you want rock someone else most likely will have better selection. However, I got this song from Children of Men. It's a decent stoney song and otherwise it's just kinda mellow.

DJ Muggs/GZA- Advance Pawns: Off the GZA-DJ Muggs album I put up. This song has a great beat and GZA always brings some sauciness. This is actually on a Raekwon mixtape with the title "GZA Shit". Weird.

Bishop Lamont Feat. Clyde Carson, Stat Quo, and Dr. Dre- On Top Now: Another song of the Bishop mixtape. Another song that is pretty hot. Nice beat, good chorus, and I like Carson a lot. I don't really know where Dre is on this song. I don't think I hear him, maybe he did the beat.

Ratatat- PLO Style (Featuring Method Man and Buddha Monk): Off of the Ratatat Remix tape, this song introduced me to Buddha. His verse is hot.

Lil' Wayne Feat. Twista- Burn This City: Another track off of The Drought Is Over 4. I think this might be my favorite cut off the album. Both rappers do work on this one.

Lil' Wayne Feat. Scarface and T.I.- Big Dogg Status: I think this might actually be a remix of the first single on Face's new album. Either way, Scarface always sounds good and when you throw in Weezy and TIP, you got three kings of the south there.

Notorious B.I.G.- Just Playin' (Dreams): An old Biggie track off of Ready to Die. I love hearing him list off all the old school girls groups of the 90's. What ever happened to those?

Raekwon Feat. Busta Rhymes- State of Grace: This song, according to Wikipedia, should be on OB4CLII but we'll see. If it is, that's a good sign cause it's fierce.

Beanie Sigel, Freeway, Styles P, Uncle Murda- DJ Green Lantern Freestyle: 14 minutes of freestyles from three slept on rapping stars and someone else. Free's first freestyle and Beanie's first are gross. I mean they are ridiculous. Not really something to bump or dance to, but something to listen to and bob your head with.

T.I. Feat. Young Jeezy and Big Kuntry- Do U Potna: Apparently, this is a disc track to Ludacris. Wow. That's some kind of unsuspected beef. Who has a problem with Luda? But the beat is pretty nice.

Scarface- Girl U Know: Another Funky Ass Face song from the new album. Not quite G Code (that would be damn near impossible), but a pretty quality cut.

Beanie Sigel- Go Low: I have never heard a Beanie song like this, but damn it's hard. I like the Jamaican touch a lot but Beanie's verses are the best part.

Lil' Wayne- PMW (Pussy, Money, Weed): So this is supposedly of Tha Carter III or The Leak (the official one) or something like that. It reminds me a little of I Feel Like Dyin' but I like it a lot. A quiet Lil' Wayne rapping about his three favorite things. Sounds good to me.

Saigon- Saigon Meets Just Blaze: There's a reason everything Just Blaze touches is money. This song has a great beat and Saigon sounds real good on it. The Greatest Story Never Told is gonna be real real good.

I'm done like the Falcons, Niners, Rams, Bears, Eagles, Panthers, Jets, Dolphins, Bengals, Ravens, Texans, Raiders and Broncos.

Widukinds Diary Entry #4

Oh gosh, David Eckstein is just such a competitor!

I just read Len Pasquarelli's midseason NFL All-Pro teams on ESPN. No, I'm not about to point out the inefficiencies in his selections, like the fact that he decided to include anybody from the NFC (other than Andy Lee of course! Team MVP, baby!). Instead, it's the language I would like to focus on.

Take, for example, his description of Patriots left tackle Matt Light:

...Not as nifty or quick-footed as some left tackles, but a relentless, blue-collar guy who hangs tough...

Pasquerelli's take on Giants right guard Chris Snee?

A tough, gritty player who really reflects the term "in-line" blocker and who has the traditional mind-set of a guard...

How bout Packers left end Aaron Kampman?

The consummate self-made player...

Tampa Bay's Barrett Ruud?
...Not blessed with imposing physical tools, he is nonetheless very instinctive...

If you haven't noticed a pattern yet, let me elaborate:

Asante Samuel:

...A naturally gifted ball athlete...

Tommie Harris:

...Harris has regained most of the quickness and explosiveness that were his hallmarks...

Albert Haynesworth:

...He is strong and active and more athletic than people think...

Andre Gurode:

...he is playing at an All-Pro level as an in-line blocker and demonstrating the kind of quickness that allows him to block at the second level.

If you're still scratching the pimple in your buttcrack like a retard, I'll make it obvious. The first 4 players are all white, the last 4 all black. Now, I'm the first to support the theory that stereotypes don't just appear out of thin air. While expecting all African-Americans to be athletic is wrong, it is accepted that on average, African-Americans are more athletically gifted than whites. Whether you think it's because of their ancient ancestors being forced to survive in the desert of Africa, or their more recent ancestors being forced into slavery (extremely demented version of survival of the fittest), this fact is hard to refute.

However, I can't help to notice how often sports writers use similar words like Pasquerelli chose to describe white and black athletes. Rarely ever do you hear white ballplayers described as having "pure raw talent". On the contrary, blacks on average are never championed for their "blue-collar work ethic". Are you saying that Matt Light, who plays the most important position on the best line in recent history on the best team in football, got to be so dominate simply because he works hard? And of course, guys like Vladimir Guerrero are just natural hitters, with no real self-discipline, right? C'mon.

I think this phenomenon is pretty hilarious. It may have foundations that are true, but the exclusivity with which sports columnists use such terms is pretty ridiculous. When you watch Sportscenter or any talkshow, look for stuff like this. It makes it funny.

Out like Manny Ramirez at the plate.

This could not wait...

Wire Season 5 Preview (short, does not give anything away)



Don't forget to peep my post below...

Also, check Michael from the Wire playing Jay-Z "nephew" in the "Roc Boys" video.

web gemzzz...

Apart from failing his social psychology midterm, ya boy has been spending a lot of time scavenging the world wide internet for his favorite grooves and diddies, and he has yielded quite a bounty. For the team, I have amassed my greatest hits of my findings, most of which are techno, and I present them to you today. Sources include discobelle, nahright!?, the soul lounge, the fader. Listen with open ears (preferably covered by headphones, or receiving these pieces at high volume with plenty of bass), and unfaltering minds. [Download each part separately, they are too big to do together. Just click on"PART 1" or "PART 2" above the track listing for each secation]

PART 1: (97 mb)

Daft Punk - Louis Vuitton Runway Mix | A mix that Daft Punk did for a Louis Vuitton runway show, featuring Kanye West, Justice, and Ratatat. Quite a fun party. Peep the youtube video as well (the beginning is really cool, and then it gets kinda ghey).

Electric Soca (Crookers Remix) - Radion | Sliding bass + handclaps + automated voice = A bassy techno groove.

Cold Act Ill (Radio Edit) - Young Americans | "We came here tonight to get started/Cold Act Ill or get retarded" [followed by variations on a theme].

Just A Girl (Produced by Tha Otherz) - Miss Dade County | Tha Otherz sample No Doubt's "I'm Just a Girl"...I used to listen to this song back in 7th Grade, maybe it still belongs there...let me know, I think it is a pretty good idea though.

Saxada - Scuola Furano | 1 Cup of Chants, 2 Cups of Saxophone, 3 Tbs. of Synth, mix 'em together... if this could sustain me instead of food I would be skinnier.

A Cause des Garcons (Punks Jump Up Remix) - Yelle | One of my most played songs so far this year. PJU remix this French track by Yelle beautifully and bring one of the bubbliest dance tracks of my year so far.

As Above, So Below (Justice Remix) - Klaxons | Pretty much pointless for me to write about this at all, this song is a force.

Calabria 2007 (Hatchmatik Clubabria Remix) - Enur ft. Natasha | A song that was really popular while we were in Paris this summer (La Planche bitches were all over this). You can just hear the hand claps over the sound of our cross-cultural miscues. A saxophone sounds in the distance over my cry of defeat after being spit on by a fine piece of Parisian beez.

Speedin' (Dirty) - Rick Ross ft. R. Kelly | Ross and Kells, need I say more? How about, "Fast life, I live, big cars, big tits/SPEEDIN'! I'm SPEEDIN'!"

Club Music (Dirty) - Mz. Thang | Mz. Thang demands the DJ to play club music, 'cause she loves it. I guess how they do it in Baltimore.

Alla Som Inte Dansar - Maskinen | I think this is some form of foreign rap, it may be Swedish. Pretty funky; the beat sounds like it is played on coffee cans. Also has some techno shit on top of that. Shit in a coffee can, that's supposed to be a good thing.

PART 2: (253 mb)

Any Way You Choose To Give It (Boy 8 Bit Remix) - The Black Ghosts | Automated goodness. A winding driving song. Fluid yet crunchy. I think I can also taste a little terra firma in there. (Some might find the singing a little objectionable)

Po DJ Set: August 19th, 2007 - Po | One of the best DJ sets that I have ever heard in my few years in audible reception. I don't even know if this is the proper name for the artist, but who ever it is, they know what they are doing. At least I think so. Dance, whistle, clap, and make computer beeping noises to follow along.

High Top Fades Mix - Sammy Bananas | Tired of techno? Reminds me of GIMIX (the Avalanches "Since I Left You" [Promo], and some similar sample too).

80's Rap Mix - DJ Eli Escobar | One of my favorite DJs right now. I think this will explain why. He is very diverse in his work, I highly recommend peeping some of his other stuff.

Blinded By The B-More (DJ Metric's No Hope With Dope! Remix) - Manfred Mann | One of my favorite samples so far. Should appeal to all.

Rampaging Pigs Kill!! Mix - DJ Dinosaur!! | Another high quality piece of techno DJing. Really good. MMM.... (Samples Clipse + Pharell, !!! (fuck you all), some creepy horror movie, and the "Maniac" song from Flashdance [ghey] )

Sneak Come Out at Night - Keak da Sneak | New Keak. I actually have lots of love for this song. I more refined version of hyphy (if such a thing exists). Keak's "Still spinnin' that Sweet 16 money" it sounds like.

So Good ft. Rich Boy - The Fixxers | Sweet beat. "Four bullet wounds, three gold teeth/I scream it all day 'mother fuck the police'"

Kiss Kiss (Eli Escobar and Doug Grayson Remix) - Chris Brown ft. Wale and T-Pain | I am super down with Wale, but the chorus is a little lacking in my perspective. In reality, the song kinda sucks except for Wale's verse, which is the 3rd, but he is raw...look out.

HHW30 - Crooked I | Hip-Hop Weekly #30. Crooked I raps over Dr. Dre's "Xxxplosive". The first verse is lyrical mastery, and the rest does not fall short either.

Gossip - Lil' Wayne | ...weezy f. baby...we're still waiting.

This is what German rap sounds like... Adam Tensta - My Cool

dis me, homelessnigg

sup yall homelessnigg up in dis bitch ma cousin rashaun know computers n shit so he told me he say 'eh lataevius negga you read da dress archie blog n shit ima help you write fuh dem muthfuckas too and he hook me up so now i post wit yall. so im at roscoes internet cafe on 12th n coriander juss bein mahself, homelessnigg but dey want me to leave dey say i scare da customers away. but man fuck dat how come nobody appreciate homelessnigg no more i tell em lil nigglets i say 'eh nigglets dont you become like homelessnigg, yall best stay in school and do wat yo momma tell ya n shit dont be gettin into no funny business smell me? dass what i tell em sometimes. anyway ima try to post a photo for yall so you see what homelessnigg really look like, feel me?

anyway i cant figga dat shit out ima try it anotha time fuh now yall juss use yo imagination haha i know yall good wit dat. damn someone jus knock on the door come in tellin me i used up my fuckin computer minutes so i told her i said 'bitch quit beatin on ma muthfuckin door, beat dese nuts if you wanna beat somethin hoe' haha she left real quick. dass how homelessnigg do it. im out yall ima spit at ya a bit later awn