I win...

In having one of the sickest and weirdest dreams ever last night. Suffering from extreme jetlag, I have been taking these "natural" sleeping pills that my dad gave me to get over the hump. What they may not explain on the bottle (I have no bottle, I just keep these little drops of wonder in a matchbox), is that these compressed cocktails of herbs induce some crazy-fucked-up dream within dreams. Last night was one example of an odyssey that seemed to take place over a matter of many days, but based on my repeated wake-ups through the night, it only took a matter of one-and-three-quarters of an hour.

I guess I could sum up my dreams in a couple of seconds. Basically, I was recruited by the Wu-Tang Clan, specifically RZA and Method Man, to clash with a rival gang of faceless hooded figures (who scarily resembled Lord Voldermort). I was given a sick sub-machine gun, and I iced fools. The battle was going well, and we were kicking ass. Then, our battle took a turn for the worse. I lost my sub, and it started to snow. I found a stray gat with only a couple of rounds left in it. The rest of the Wu ran out of bullets. I was picking up frozen bullets off of the ground and trying to load them into my magazine when the last standing hooded figure went around and killed the rest of the Wu execution style (easily one of the worst moments of my unconscious life, other than many other tragic deaths--which suck ass, am I right?). I was the last to go, and I woke up with a gasp, and I swear I saw my killers face. Is it possible to die in your own dreams? (Note: also, something I have noticed recently is my inability to see myself in my dreams. A couple of days ago, someone was trying to take a Polaroid of a group I was standing with, and I remember I held my hand in front of my face and said, "no pictures". When the picture developed, my face was not in it...weird). When I woke up, I thought I was being attacked again, as my still-packed suitcase was standing upright and I had hung my pants over the bar (another leering shadowy figure).

Sleep...

This is when it got weird, maybe I just thought it was really strange, but when I went back to sleep I went to this party in someone's basement and almost everyone I knew was there. I go up to Taylor Shell who is standing with Bubs, Hungry, and Injury-dumbass, and say, "you will never guess the dream I just had," and Taylor responds, "you just had a gunfight with RZA and Method Man." I was shocked.

Nevermind, this is one of the most random posts I have ever done I think, but I have been having a lot of weird dreams lately, and I think a lot of it is dues to the gauntlet that I have been putting my body through In terms of dreams. On the plane on my way home all i did was sleep, and when I tried to catch a football, I knocked over all of the glasses on the tray between me and this Japanese guy looked at me really weird (he was watching Ms. Congeniality, so what the hell does he know). Dreams are very confusing, so I think I am going to take a class on them next year, but that may ruin the entire experience for me, ignorance is bliss, and the last thing I want to hear is that all of my dreams are filled with creepy Freudian principles. Fuck that, I like my sleep, and if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

DONE!

I just got a new issue of my bible THE FADER magazine, and it was filled with some really sick music. I will share with you all, including a new sound coming out of Baton Rouge, Lil Boosie. Peace.

p.s. the new Subway ad with the $5 footlong is really sexual.

p.p.s. George W. Bush was incredible on ESPN last night, from getting jeered when he threw the first pitch to his awful call of the first home run by Chipper Jones, I laughed. Looks at the man try to learn cricket.

Widukind Diary Entry #14

Topic 1) Emperor penguins, other than having some of the cutest babies on the planet (after this kid, this kid, and this dog), are awesome. I'm sure most of you are familiar with what the parents go through to just have a baby thanks to March of the Penguins, but I can't help to make one observation: after millions of years of evolution, why do they still waddle around with their flippers out like they just shit themselves and have half of a gigantic feces log poking in and out their asshole? I understand that they're birds and that they're incredibly good swimmers, but their lives would be incredibly easier if they could walk somewhat normally. And before you tell me that Emperor Penguins that could walk well would be the ultimate evolutionary-superbeing, last time I checked frogs can swim and hop around pretty well and haven't taken over the world yet. There are even birds that can fly and swim. Either God has a sense of humor, or penguins are just stupid.

Topic 2) I saw a Michelin commercial the other day that had something to do with a guy and his dog, and then at the end it says "Few relationships in life are more important than between you and your Michelin tires". I understand that they mean the safety provided by their tires helps protect the relationships you treasure most, but c'mon. Tires are fucking tires. My tires have never taken me out to fucking lunch.

Topic 3) This was something Hungryfortacos and I discussed on our fantastical journey through New York City. We talked about alot, but this was the only thing I wrote down: "imagine how hard it would be to get a hold of someone in Ancient Rome?" I mean, think about trying to arrange a meeting between you and your buddy Graccus who lives on the other side of town. Let's say that somehow you set it up to meet at the Pantheon when the sun reaches so-and-so height, so you take all morning to walk all the way to the Pantheon, but unbeknownst to you Graccus got a case of the runs this morning and couldn't make it. So Graccus sent a little page boy running all the way across Rome to tell you that his master has the runs, but by the time he gets there it's too late and you're halfway there. Then what? I bet one of the most underrated things about Ancient Rome was the amount of people milling around awkwardly waiting for their friend to show up. Nobody talks about that in the history books.

Topic 4) If you're more than 10 minutes late to a class, don't show up. If you do, and god forbid you do it regularly, you seriously need to take a step back and reexamine your life.

Out like non-baseball season!

Also, tune in to http://www.wmre.fm/ 12-2 AM EST tonight for the 5th installment of Wonder Mike Radio. Plenty of Redman to go around.

No. This is realer...

Juanfeesh credited me for pointing him to Pac's videos, but I gotta credit him for starting me on this little old-school rap video binge I've been on. The other day he pointed me out to an entry on Outside Broadcast that featured a few old videos, and I was hooked. I started searching some guys I'd think would have put out some real videos back in the day, until I came across this after hoping that Scarface had made a "No Tears" video:



Girl got mad flow. Despite clearly reading the lyrics off the screen, I'm pretty sure she gets caught up at around 0:26, 0:34, 1:36, and 2:12 (yes, I watched the whole thing). I have no idea what would compel anyone to record a video of them lip-syncing to any song whatsoever and put it on YouTube, but whatever. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

To compensate for the above, here's the original song/video that started this fad, "Grand Groove (Remix)" by Intelligent Hoodlum:



Out like Ray Durham at the All-Star Break after a .298, 13 HR, 43 RBI half. Then, in like Josh Vitters.
Anyone?

This is the realest...

This is what a real video look like. Widu told me to watch the "Hit 'em Up" video on youtube, and I started to explore more 2pac videos. This one is my favorite, in total contrast to this video, directed by Tupac Shakur himself, is fucking sick. It has a narrative, tasteful display of riches, and one of the sickest featured artists you could possibly have on a song, Snoop Doggy Dogg. Wow. This is sick. Thanks Widu for turnign me onto Tupac's video genius. I love it, although it proves that the Weezy video below is like a steaming piece of crap, its hot, but is sucks ass.

Proof that Lil' Wayne is f**king nuts...

Here is the video for Lil' Wayne's song featuring Static Major titled "Lollipop". Not only does Wayne do the video in a unkempt tux (possibly an allusion to KC & JoJo), but he also proceeds to have a guitar solo on top of an enormous (ENORMOUS [18 wheeler]) limo. The creative choices that went into making this video are completely absurd, from streams of water and fire, to Wayne's dance solo, I just don't get it. Does anyone have any idea what Weezy was thinking? I need your input, because I am completely perplexed.



BONUS: BIGGIE BIO-PIC!!!

Dress Archie's Great Rap Verses (Song #8: Eminem- Drug Ballad)

You probably haven't listened to Eminem in a while. Maybe it's because he hasn't come out with anything for a few years. Or, maybe you've fallen in to the mainstream trap of thinking he's all shock-value. Or, perhaps it's because you associate him with middle school and realize that you were in to "(Everybody) Backstreet's Back" at the same time, and completely mistrust your past taste in music. It could even be that you're too embarassed to be a white dude bumping the Marshall Mathers LP, and are afraid of what people will think of you (I fall in to all four categories). Well, fuck all that.
Don't get me wrong, Eminem gets plenty of respect from Hip-Hop "afficionados", but his hiatus from the industry over the past few years has caused his name to fall almost in to obscurity. But I encourage you all to revisit your prepubescent years and see how great Eminem really is, and realize how much you can actually get out of his music now, other than being the only kid with the hella-chill mom who lets him buy "Parental Advisory" CDs.
Eminem has other songs and verses that are more widely heralded than those on "Drug Ballad" like "Stan", "The Real Slim Shady", and his ridiculous shit on "Renegade", but I thought I'd use this particular song as an example of Eminem's versatility.

Just check the first verse (below is just a sample):
And by the, sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl
And you'll be, sick then and you'll probably barf
And my pre-diction is you're gonna probably fall
Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
And everything's spinning
You're beginin' to think women are swimming in pink linen again in the sink
Then in a couple of minutes that bottle of Guinness is finished,
You are now allowed to officially slap bitches

I'm no lyrical technician or whatever, but I count something like 4 or 5 different flows in that single verse, not to mention the smoothness of his delivery, rhyme scheme, and content. I like this track a lot, mainly because (like Dre Dog's "Situation Critical") it's a piece on how the rapper is fucking up his own life, and because it lacks all of Eminem's typical "faggot" lines and stuff about him killing his wife.
My only gripe about Eminem is the sound of his voice (which I don't mind but it could be better), but other than that this guy is a fucking genius on the mic.

Out like Duke in Round 1. Go Belmont!

Snoop Dogg + Mistah FAB + Too $hort = Life Of Da Party

Snoop Dogg (feat. Too $hort & Mistah FAB) - Life Of Da Party

I really want to go to this party. Like really badly. Gwow.

Buffie the Body...

When I was making my Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball team, and I was looking for a team logo, I thought it would be neat to have a large booty represent what my team stood for. I proceeded to go to google images and search "big booty", and this is the first image that satisfied my craving:
Meet Buffie the Body. Born Buffie Caruth in Athens, GA, Buffie has burst on the model scene with one of her most biggest asset. Need I give any more evidence? The woman packs a punch, leaving one youtuber to say "that woman's ass is pregnant!". Seriously, this lady is a freak of nature. I find this way more interesting than abriendo's op-ed throw-up. Buffie is well known for the "Thunderclap", just imagine hearing this at a club. Drop down and get your eagle on, lady, this is fucking ridiculous (more like a sonic boom--what would her tekken move be?). Enjoy gents...I know widukind will. Girl is thick.


Look out for the DVD "STILL LARGER THAN LIFE" (and we believe her) to come out March 2008.

Dress Archie's Great Rap Verses (Song #7: Pastor Troy- This Tha City)

Now for me, when the "Great Verses" list was started, one of the driving forces behind it was putting up some new music and maybe new rappers that some of you haven't heard. My first two songs I don't think really achieved that goal; I am sure most of you had heard Gettin' It and while Big L is pretty well-known, I figured you hadn't heard that freestyle.


With this in mind, I present to you Pastor Troy. I first came across the Pastor Disaster when I was real young and and just getting my feet wet in rap music. I can't remember where I heard of him, but at the age of 12ish I bought one of his CD's. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. Pastor Troy is most likely best known for a feud he had with Master P, but other than that, he has little audience outside of the South. I actually at one point had a couple of his albums, but as I've gotten older I've either lost them, or they didn't make the switch to my new computer.

Athletes are constantly in need of pump-up songs, and even when I was real young I tried to find rap that would pump me up. With this I present to you This Tha City. This song has been an Alex Hart pump-up staple for a good long time now, and nothing got me more rearing to go than verse 2.

While not the most exciting verse lyrically, the passion that Troy throws into his spitting is undeniable. It sounds as if he's gutturally yelling the thing out through clenched fucking teeth, as if he's taking a big fat shit (in a good way). This song needs to be listened at high volume levels, and works best if your feeling belligerent or aggressive so drink some cheap whiskey, listen to this, and (to quote Juanfeesh) stomp some gumps. If I could best some up this song I would leave it to the Pastor himself:
You cracking smiles, we cracking mugs selling drugs
We what hoes love, ATL fucking thugs.
This might not be the best verse I throw on here, it sure is one of the hardest and hopefully you'll bump it at some point.

Out like Brett.

Abriendo Bitches OP-ED Piece #2

Couple things I have been thinking about today. First off, and most importantly, I am really excited for Pineapple Express, the new movie from the guys who brought us Superbad. Here's the newest trailer, which came out a week ago.

I have higher hopes (getting the reference here fellas) already for this movie than I ever did for Superbad or Knocked Up, and I had pretty high hopes for both of those movies. I like how these guys keep coming out with very different plot lines too, but they all seem to cater to stoners. This movie especially falls into this category. There's not really a lot I can say about the movie or my expectations. Just watch the trailer and tell me what you think. It doesn't come out till this summer though, which sucks.

The other thing I like about this trailer is I really really like the song they use in it. Apparently John and Alex already had it. Its really good. It's M.I.A. Paper Planes in case you don't have it. Especially really good to dance to. That brings me to my next point: I miss dances. I don't know about you guys but the dances here suck. They are all at frats so usually I'm not exactly in the right state of mine to navigate a packed dance floor anyway. And if that weren't enough, now that the football team is finished, they all show up and take over the dance floor at 11. You can't even try and dance cause they are all so fucking big. And they constantly do the soulja boy. And they introduce themselves to girls with their full name and position. Like they will actually walk up to cute girls and say something like "L.D. Crowe, Quarterback." They are actually retarded. I miss the old days with the M.O.R.E. dance. My sister was just telling me how the school surprised the students with a boat dance recently. I really want another one of those. I'm seriously considering attempting to organize one for this summer. Or force Lily to organize one. Yeah, that's a better idea. We should all (widukind especially) pester Lily to have a boat dance.

Last thing: All the credit for this discovery goes completely to HungryforTacos, but I gotta say I am pretty fucking excited for the new season of South Park now. I mean the last few seasons were ridiculous. Where do they go from here? More violence? More ball-licking? More cutting people in half? They could do so many different things with this upcoming season. Just an absurdly perfect show.

Also, I agree with Widukind about bangs. Bad current style trend.

Out like Injuryprone from the closet (he's into acting now).

Widukind Diary Entry #13

Topic 1) My fantasy baseball-inspired dreams keep coming. The memory of last nights experience is a little fuzzy, but I know it involved Francisco Cordero and hungryfortacos. For some reason, I accepted a trade proposed to me by HFT that involved Cordero coming my way. It was a good move for me, so I pressed "accept". However, immediately following this I realized that Cordero was a closer, and I was simply buying in to hungryfortacos' whole theory of drafting all relievers and them trading them away for position players. I got very upset.

Then I woke up.

Topic 2) The other day when I was trying to go to sleep I came up with the best idea ever; I formulated the ultimate signature drink for a bar to rip people off with and make hella $ (money). The process goes like this: You have a big refrigerator under the bar where you keep a whole bunch of green grapes, and a whole bunch of vodka (preferrably something like Popov to save $. Nobody will tell the difference). Then, you invent some hella catchy and trendy name for the drink, like "Grape Bomb" or "Vodka and Grapes" (if that's all you can come up with you're also probably gonna have to hire a Marketing specialist). When someone comes up to the bar and says, "Hey barkeep, gimme a Vodka and Grapes!", the barkeep gets out like six grapes, the customer places them in rows between his teeth thus opening his mouth, takes a shot of vodka, and then bites down on the grapes as a chaser/healthy alternative to Red Bull or whatever crap the damn kids are drinking these days.

Slap a $9 price tag on that beezy and you've got yourself a goldmine. Don't forget to tip!

Topic 3) This just needs to be said: bangs are a poor fashion choice for girls. Some girls look cute, don't get me wrong, but I have found it to be a 99.9% probability that they looked better beforehand. Just saying.

Topic 4) I like Rock Band. I think it's fun; it's easily the most inclusive multi-player video game ever made, and I respect that. But what I don't respect are people who get insanely good at it. I don't have a problem with people being good at other video games like Halo or Madden because they play out scenarios that regular people just have no chance of experiencing. But Rock Band (and Guitar Hero) are not like that. Why don't you just pick up a real fucking instrument? Granted, the argument can be made that the cost of buying a guitar (and potentially lessons) far outweighs the cost of buying Guitar Hero, but I'm going to counter that argument by saying that most people who have enough money to purchase an XBox 360 and Guitar Hero probably have enough bank to throw down on a used instrument. I'm just saying.

Out like Barry Zito (todays line 0.2 IP, 8 ER).