50 vs Kanye: The Battle for Gheyest Person Alive...and Maybe Even Dead

This feud has recently been brought to my attention. I love it.

In the poo corner, Curtis James Jackson, who at one point was dear to my heart because I actually thought "Get Rich or Die Trying" was a good movie. In the pee corner, Kanye West, who I've always pretty much considered a fannybandit, if not just really uber metro.

In terms of music, I've never liked either. Yeah yeah, I repped 50 at Bar-Mitzvahs when we were all super horny and learning how to freak dance in front of our parents, and Kanye...well he's always been pretty damn annoying. 50 pisses me off because he can't rap for shit, all his shit sounds the same, and he tries to start shit with Dipset. Kanye is annoying because all his shit is just super preachy and barfy.

That's why the fact that the beef between these two has escalated is hilarious. The bitch fight has been oozing like Pāhoehoe for a while, originating with the beef between 50's camp and Jay-Z's. It even got political in 2005, when 50 defended (kind of) G Dubya after Kanye's infamous "George Bush doesn't care about black people" thing (big ups to Mike Meyers for looking like he just farted and is hoping no one noticed). Also in 2005, Curtis claimed Kanye was only successful because the Hip-Hop community was looking for a Yin to 50's Yang persona. I even got that analogy right. Chyea!

Here's the current situation: the release date for Curtis' new album, Curtis, got pushed back to September 11 recently, while Kanye's new album, Graduation, got bumped up to the same date. This is the first ridiculous part. I have so much disagreement with making September 11 a day to make money that I'm going to throw up if I think about it anymore...oops. Apparently, Bodog has even been taking bets on who will outperform who, shockingly with 50 as the clear favorite.

Now the best part; Curtis has vowed that if Graduation outsells Curtis, he will stop making solo albums. Hoo-ray!

What a fucking quagmire. Clearly the best solution would be for both of them to just duke it out in the Octagon, and then die, or maybe just decide to shut up for...a billion years, and go move some place sunny. I guess I'm cheering for Kanye because of the whole 50 quitting thing, but that makes me want to puke. Again.

For your entertainment, here are the two singles both fucktards, ahem, artists, have released from their respective albums:

50 Cent- Ayo Technology (This song is pretty bad.)

Kanye West- Stronger (You probably have this song already. It's also #2 on iTunes. I think I'm going to go create an account on Bodog.)

Out like Jeremy Giambi.