Widukind Diary Entry #10

I've never seen this movie.

I have come to realize that daydreaming is one of the more underrated activities one can participate in. I used to really only do it in class and mid-poop (for some reason, I've never read on the shitter), but I have so much free time at school and at home that I've found myself daydreaming alot more. It's like dreaming, and though it's not as real, it's way more tight because unless you're really fucked up, daydreams are always totally awesome, because you can make anything you want happen.

I don't know about the rest of you, but for me there are a few scenarios I routinely play out in my head that don't involve boobs. One of these is a hypothetical journey back in time to the medieval days, but as an Army Ranger, Navy S.E.A.L, or something hella tight of the sort, armed to the teeth.

For some reason the thought of traveling back to the 1300s or so with a modern-day arsenal is really appealing to me. The situation usually develops in this manner: I stumble across some castle, demand a meeting with the Lord or whoever, display the awesome firing capacity of an AK-47, get observed as some sort of angel, and eventually scare off a whole army with a couple rounds, grenades, or a showcase of the microwave, consequently saving my adopted people. By this time, class is over or I have finished pooping, and I leave feeling much better about myself and the world I live in, because I totally just kicked a bunch of medieval ass all by myself.

However, there is an inherent issue with this fantasy; how much stuff are you allowed to bring back in time with you? Bringing, say, a tank back would be unbelievable because you could just blow down hella castle walls and run over hella people, but that's not really fair. Recently I've decided that a plausible compromise would be that you can really only bring enough to fit in a big backpack, plus whatever you can fit directly on your person.

So here's my list:

1) A mini-flamethrower. It has to be small, because a real one would just be take the place of the backpack, which severely limits your potential. But the ability to produce fire from your hands would definitely have a ton of pull in 1324.

2) An AK-47, with two of those long-ass bullet chains.

3) 10 grenades on a belt.

4) 10 land-mines.

5) A battery-powered microwave. This obviously has no military purpose, but in terms of spooking easily-spooked medieval people, being able to cook a slice of pig in a box with no fire would be pretty fucking spooky. It's all about mind-control, people.

6) A battery-powered portable DVD player with Gladiator and Dumb and Dumber (I thought alot about the movie choice.) The reason I chose these movies is two-fold; for one, I like them so I'd bring them for my own personal entertainment. Secondly, Gladiator would be cool because it would be showing them something that already happened that they might have records of, and Dumb and Dumber would provide a unique test of whether or not humor transcends time.

7) A lot of batteries.

8) A nudie-magazine.

9) A pound of marijuana.

10) A huge bong, dude.

I feel like this is a pretty solid list. Now that I showed you mine, can you show me yours?

Out like the WAC.