A Day That Will Live in Infamy: The Sad Tale of Middlesbrough

My friends, we have all just been witness to one of the most tragic occurrences not only in the history of football, but in all of human history. Middlesbrough, the gleaming jewel of the river Tees, the penultimate representation of class and character in modern sport, has been relegated. Next year while you all cheer on your respective top-flight clubs as they duke it out on the world stage, my team of choice will be playing the likes of Doncaster, Nottingham Forest, and my old favorite club, Sheffield Wednesday.

It has been a long and tumultuous road, but it is a relief that it is over. Now that the deed has been done, I sit back and quietly reflect on how I first became a 'Boro fan. Sitting in my easy chair in the computer room of the Friese household with my brand new copy of FIFA '07 in hand, I told myself, "Mark, you are not a sheep. You are a shepherd. You cannot simply follow the crowd and become another Arsenal fan or a Chelsea fan. You shall be different." So I began my search for a team that had three main characteristics: a potent offense, a pathetic defense, and a decent amount of cash to spend on free agents. As I scoured the rosters, I saw my old favorite Mark Viduka paired with Yakubu, who I had watched on Fox Soccer Channel only two days before (I had watched him miss an all-too-casual penalty kick, but I saw him nonetheless). I saw Mark Schwarzer, the kindly Aussie between the posts. The attraction was instantaneous.

6 seasons later, with 6 Premiership titles, 5 FA cup titles (I lost one to Manchester United), and 5 Champions League trophies (I lost to the Norwegian club Brann one year when their goalie saved about 30 shots in a game) in hand, my legacy was complete. Winston O'Malley, the fictional 'Boro manager, had established himself as the premier football motivator on Earth, and had led Middlesbrough to 6 straight seasons of over 90 points. It brings a tear to my eye to think of the joyous times I had watching old Winston lead the lads to victory. But it is over now. A new leaf has been turned.

It has been quite a blow for me, particularly considering my brash prediction last year that we would be playing in Europe in '09-'10 (which can be seen on RJ's wall), but my love for 'Boro will never die. I am at least taking it much better than this fellow is for Newcastle.

I now know I must find a new club to root for until they manage to climb their way back into top competition. I must humbly ask you all of your opinion. Who should I support? Finally, thank you for your support in this most troubling time.