Widukind Diary Entry #21

Apparently, grammar is not.

Back from a weekend at "The Gras". The jambalaya was scrotin'. Back to blogging! (Thanks to Juanfeesh for holding it down. If anyone hasn't download that DJ Premier/KRS-One collab he put up...I'd take pleasure in guttin' you. Boy.)

Topic 1) People always love when old people act young. It's sooooo cute! Fuck that. Let's reverse it. I wanna be old. Being hella old is the only time God hands you a "Fuck It" license. In my opinion, a "Fuck It" license would be way tighter to have than a "I'm 3 years old and can poop and pee into a plastic crumply thing thats velcroed around my ass" license. True, you get what you want when you're young and can run around nekkid, and everything with sugar is FUCKING AWESOME!!! But imagine the freedom of being able to act old when you're not actually old. Post up outside a Devendra/Clap Your Hands Say "I Suck"/!!! concert calling kids "fucking pansies", getting a sponge bath, whipping out a flask and have everyone around you think you're awesome because you're hella old but still hit the sauce, ordering ridiculous things at restaurants, getting a sponge bath...think of the possibilities. Being old itself probably sucks. But being able to act old when you're not=Awesome. Blossom.
Topic 2) In these dire economic times, we need to start thinking of ways to help out. Mine is very simple: if a major professional sport league starts running out of money, they randomly select half of the players elected to the All-Pro team and let them play out a season as a single squad. The Westside Connection in LA, featuring a receiving corps of Andre Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald and Brandon Marshall. The :as Vegas Deez Nuts in Your Mouf with King James, Kobe, CP3, Dwight Howard, and Amare Stoudemire. A reality TV show could fit in somewhere. And don't tell me they would suck. They would be FUCKING AWESOME. This whole concept is just undeniable in its legitimacy. Tell me you would not buy a "Deez Nuts in Your Mouf" jersey with Jackson on the back with the number "$$$" (Stephen makes the team because I said so. They also don't need numbers because they're fucking All-Stars, not Marvin Benard).
How this helps with the economy is a gray area right now, but I think if I wanted to kill myself and got to watch Patrick Willis, Demarcus Ware, and Justin Tuck ripping Kurt Warner's face off 18 times in a game, I would probably reconsider.
Topic 3) Ok I do have one more idea. Glow-in-the-dark sports. Yes. Just let in soak in. Wait for it.

Mmm yeah there we go.

Uhhh....yeah.