Widukinds Diary Entry #15

After taking Microeconomics last semester, I have become much more aware of how I spend my money. Before I purchase something, like three tacos from Chipotle or this totally sick jacket I got off e-Bay, I usually take some time to assess the situation and ask myself this question: “Am I going to get $7 of pleasure from these tacos, or $9 worth of compliments from wearing this jacket?” In these two cases, the answer is undoubtedly “yes”. (In all truth, I don’t really suggest this way of using money, because I almost always answer myself with “yes”. A better method is probably “Michael you’re an idiot because there’s no way this jacket is legit if it costs $9, shipping included”.)
Where am I going with all this? The other day I dropped $15 on MLB TV so I could watch my Giants everyday here in Atlanta. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pleased in the purchase, because I’ve been able to listen to the great Vin Scully and watch pretty much any game I want, but whenever I watch the Giants I can’t help feeling like I’m slowly decaying inside. Brian Sabean and his boy-toy Barry Zito should be paying me; watching this bullshit is not giving me $15 of pleasure. I should not have to pay to watch a minor league baseball team. Other teams should not have to waste their time playing a minor league baseball team. Other fans should not have to pay to watch their team play a minor league baseball team. “Michael,” you say, “c’mon. You know this team would run train on any AAA team.” First of all, probably not. Second of all, I concede that the Giants aren’t really a minor league baseball team; no minor league baseball team is this old. Do you even understand what a joke the Giants “youth movement” is? Fred Lewis? 27 years young. Rajai Davis? Also 27. David Ortmeier? He’ll turn 27 on May 11th. Eugenio Velez will turn 26 five days later. Brian Bofuckass is only 23, but I would still assume that’s enough time to comprehend the concept that staying on first base is good, and getting picked off is bad.
Let’s provide two comparisons to the Giants youth poovement. The Dodgers and Brewers outscored the Giants 34-12 over 6 games and handed them 5 losses, capped off with today’s bloody-diarrhea inducing 7-0 shutout. Prince Fielder is almost…wait for it…24. Corey Hart is 26, Ryan Braun and Rickie Weeks both 25. The Dodgers have a similar array of young talent: Matt Kemp is 23, James Loney is almost 24, and Russell Martin is 25. For fuck-sake, the Brewers even have great young arms in Yovani Gallardo, Manny Parra, and Carlos Villanueva (who the Giants traded away in 2004 for Wayne fucking Franklin), and the Dodgers have two young phenoms of their own in Chad Billingsley and Clayton Kershaw. That’s supposed to be our goddamn trump card: “Yeah, but we have good young pitching!” Bullshit. These teams are way younger, and way, way, way better than us. It is literally disgusting. I talked to my dad today who referenced my last post by saying “Why do the Giants look like they’re running around with feces coming out of their asses?”

So...would a team of penguins do better than the 2008 San Francisco Giants? Should I even ask?