The Dallas Minutes...

The night before I left for what ended up being one of the most memorable ideas of my life, I came up with the idea that I should copy Bill Simmons, which I admit I did in all aspects, to chronicle my trip to Dallas for the Giants-Cowboys game. Now I did my best to give pretty regular updates t give you some insight into my brain on one of the biggest and most emotional days of my life. (I know I stole this idea, but I figure this would tell the tale of the trip well.) I took notes in my phone, and here they are without edits.

5:26- Wake up. I haven't slept all night to begin with. My outfit for the biggest game in recent memory: Boxers, tufts shorts, tufts warm-ups, white T, red waffle weave, blue anything shirt, giants hoodie, white socks, New Balances, Giants beanie for good measure.
5:36- Departure for airport. No physiological problems yet to report. My dad thinks "waiting for the bus on a Sunday morning would be the worst thing in the world".
5:46- "Who flies on a Sunday"- Me
"Old People"- Dad
6:04- Arrived at the airport. Babies crying, long lines. First instance of chest pain.
6:29- I am in row 10. Good sign #1 on the day.
12:18- Dallas time. Slept the whole flight. Time to go. I didn't realize how annoying Texas accents were. It's like being around a million Jimmie Johnson's.
12:27- Check Chargers-Colts for the first time. Colts up 7-0 with Rivers throwing a pick. It was only a matter of time until Rivers and Turner played like, in the words of Warren Sapp: "gay porn". (I was sadly mistaken here).
12:42- I realize that I really enjoy being a fan in the opposition city. I mean I really enjoy it. There's no way to not be an asshole, so you better flaunt your support. I also think I had one of the members of the rap group Shop Boyz on my flight.
12:55- Second instance of bodily pain coming from the ballpark of my appendix.
1:28- Tommy (a 40 yr. old man), one of our entourage, calls "shotgun".
1:33- We're making fun of Arizona for not celebrating MLK Day.
1:40- We're 2 1/2 miles from President George Bush Highway. Texas for Texans!
2:06- A plane passes over head. It reads: "Good luck Tony. Love, Jessica". You gotta love Giants games.
2:22- A women walks up to our car to ask where she can pee (despite traffic). Mayhem ensues.
2:30- We have been in traffic almost an hour. We will not be seeing kickoff. Dallas sucks. (We made it to kickoff)
2:34- If we're lucky we'll be there by the 3rd quarter.
2:49- We're playing football in the grass (while in traffic). Except the grass is like fucking cacti. Everything's better in Dallas.
3:00- 30 minutes to game time. The chest pain has officially started.
3:30- "I've never been so nervous in my life"- text to Michael.
3:47- Kickoff. I have consumed 6 beers and 1 hot dog all day. The chicks scream loudest in Dallas.
3:56- Giants 7-0. Cowboys fans starts talking about the boys being in the same night as the Pats last night. I kindly remind him the Cowboys lost to the Pats. Asshole.
4:14- Bradshaw is officially my favorite Giant. Feagles pins them. We're surrounded my drunk Giants fans.
4:18- I can't stand Marion Barber.
4:23- Girls in Texas try hard to look good.
4:29- I fucking knew they were throwing a fade. That TD is all on Spags.
4:57- Cowboys driving hard again. I'm down in the dumps. We can't stop them if our life depended on it.
5:04- 14-7 Cowboys. Fuck. I feel like I'm gonna throw up and/or die.
5:15- Wow Eli wow. I'm scared to write.
5:43- We hold them to a FG. That's a minor victory.
5:55- Punt. I'm really starting to worry.
6:09- I will let Ahmad Bradshaw have sex with my wife on our honeymoon. I'm very buzzed.
6:23- I do not like Brandon Jacobs.
6:35- You could cut the tension with a knife (cliche I know).
6:41- Best sporting event of my life. I'm hooked on playoff sports.
6:45- I'm having a coronary. I wish you guys could feel this.
6:52- I don't believe it. I love you all.

Out like (fill in all 28 other teams here).