Widukind is a Fantasy God a.k.a. Fantasy Football Review
!Well, well, well. Another fantasy season, another championship for Widukind. God it's great to be me. Here is the season in review; I start out looking over the draft, and then proceed to my end-of-the-year awards.
Best Pick: Tom Brady, 22 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!). I came in to this saying to myself that I wouldn't reward anyone for picking a Patriot, until I was reviewing the draft results and saw an oddly astute Harrison snatching up Brady in the 2nd round. I also don't mind giving Harrison this award because he proved himself a much more capable fantasy player than I had ever imagined, and somewhat made up for his absolute disgrace of a performance in baseball.
Best Pick: Tom Brady, 22 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!). I came in to this saying to myself that I wouldn't reward anyone for picking a Patriot, until I was reviewing the draft results and saw an oddly astute Harrison snatching up Brady in the 2nd round. I also don't mind giving Harrison this award because he proved himself a much more capable fantasy player than I had ever imagined, and somewhat made up for his absolute disgrace of a performance in baseball.
Honorable Mention: Patrick Willis, 108 overall, banana cumcakes. Clay made him the first defender taken off the board, and for good reason. The dude defines "cornfed".
Best Value Pick: Tony Romo "No Homo", 62 overall, SploogeOnMyBreakfast. Yahoo!'s 3rd overall point scorer needed to prove himself this season, and he did more than that, garnering respect even from a few Niner faithful (most notably, me and Clay).
Honorable Mention: Adrian Peterson, 51 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!).
Worst Pick: Calvin Johnson, 46 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!). Rookie wide receivers are pretty iffy, and Harrison could have had a plethora of guys with this pick that would have made his team unstoppable. In hindsight this makes the "genius" Adrian Peterson pick make more sense.
Honorable Mention: Larry Johnson, 3 overall, I Eat Pussy (Alot!). Hey, you win some, you lose some.
Also, pretty much all of Ilan's picks except for Greg Jennings.
Best/Worst Trade: We didn't pull off a single trade in this league. Wow. How the hell did that happen?
Dumbest Drop: Earnest Graham, September 30 (2:11 AM???), SploogeOnMyBreakfast. Harrison let him go, you swept him up, and promptly released him. Juanfeesh came in for the rebound the same day.
Honorable Mention: Brian Urlacher, October 29, SploogeOnMyBreakfast. Mark gave up on a down-and-out playmaker, and Urlacher fell right in to my lap and carried me in the playoffs.
Smartest Add: Wes Welker, September 4, Ass+Cum+Blood=Salsa. Second reward for a Patriot pick, but there's no debate; went undrafted, picked off waivers right away. Alex never looked back.
Almost the Luckiest Fucking Fantasy Player...Again: Archibald Hunter of loose goose. Earlier in the year Archie famously claimed "I don't know shit about baseball" but still dominated the league. However, I ultimately came to the rescue and saved us from the horror of addressing him as our champion. As football also came to a close, the Tory was close to sneaking away with another undeserved championship (he was starting Alex Smith until Week 16 for gods sake), but I once again stopped him in his path.
Worst Fantasy Manager Ever: Ian Anderson of letsgostagsbaby. In all due respect, I feel really bad for Ian. This team didn't look half bad coming out of the draft, but he made no effort to maintain his squad, and ended up 1-13. Another embarassing performance from Woolly has his head on the chopping block for next years potential cutdown on owners.
The Ravens (a.k.a. the only manager to lose to the worst manager ever): Juanfeesh of cum_ice_cubz. Nice going.
The 49ers (**deep sigh**): vicklicksdogshit. Andy put up an unbelievable 52 points one week, and finished third to last in overall scoring (for the two below him, look up a few inches). As new commissioner, this is my second head I have placed on my proverbial chopping block, as I've come to believe Andy only joins our leagues to see if he can beat us making hardly any moves, which so far has yet to happen. Bastard.
The Patriots: SploogeOnMyBreakfast. A 14-0 regular season was certainly impressive, but Mark couldn't win when it counted. Bill Simmons wrote an article earlier in the year discussing how hard an undefeated season in real and fantasy football is; poor Mark now knows this all too well. I can only hope this is a sign of what is to come for our beloved Patriots. (I'd also like to note that while Mark will of course bring up this as his potential 3rd football championship in a row, in 2005 his championship team "Mom its just ketchup" was 7th in overall scoring. Additionally, in 2006, his winning squad of "Explosive Diarrhea" was 4th in overall scoring. What a fluke.)
Champion: Me (Mark and Alex can complain all they want, but it was Poodi Johnson who ended up as the top-scoring team in the league. So you can suck it. Yes, my genitalia.)
A sweep of the fantasy championships will do just fine; anyone want to buy a ticket to tour my Yahoo! player profile trophy chest? No? That's ok I'll just melt all my hardware and bathe in liquid gold. All the time. Mmm yeah sue me, sue me.
Out like me from the fantasy playoffs. Oh no wait....
Not out like me from the fantasy playoffs. Much better.
7 comments:
fuck your money
im the second best in all leagues... i rule
Ok, ok. I will admit a few things here.
Until Week 15, I had been the luckiest fantasy football manager in the entire world. Literally, I don't think you will find a single fantasy football player in the entire universe who could have been lucky enough to win a championship while being 7th in scoring, and then follow it up winning a championship being 4th in scoring. And those years were in 10 team leagues. In 2005 I knew nothing about fantasy football and didn't really try at all, and in 2006 my interest was higher but still not to the max.
This year was supposed to be different. This year, I read the fucking magazines. I created a little draft sheet. I was prepared. I drafted a pretty good team, the observeable weakness being QB and the formidable strength being WR. I planned to win the league with shrewd additions throughout the season. And I did just that. Over the course of the season, my roster had the likes of Derek Anderson, Selvin Young, Roddy White, Earnest Graham, and Aaron Stecker, among others. Pretty much the only big-time free agent out-of-nowhere player I NEVER had on my roster was Ryan Grant, though I seriously considered adding him.
And then, my luck turned sour. Ronnie Brown: done for the season. Javon Walker: scores about 30 points all season due to injuries and general retardation. Anquan Boldin: missed at least 3 games due to injury and was listed a Questionable for others (I almost never start Q players, so that basically means injured). Travis Henry: fucking pothead asshole and injured. Santana Moss: just absolutely awful and injured. At one point, all four of the WR's I drafted were injured during the same week. Also, the fucking Chicago Bears D. And Urlacher sucking all sorts of dick until he joins DB's team. Jesus. Titty-fucking. Christ.
So basically, I admit I got lucky with matchups last year and the year before. And I got lucky with matchups this year, as evidenced by my perfect regular season record despite not having the most points. BUT, I must humbly proclaim myself as Manager of the Year. My team should never have been 14-0 judging by all the shit it went through, but hard work, determination, and doing fantasy football instead of schoolwork led me to a great season which ultimately was ended by 1 fucking point.
Finally, I'm down to play for money, but only if everyone wants to. I don't think a cutdown on teams is necessary (to be honest, I didn't realize the default Football leagues were 10-team, I thought they were 12 like other sports), I personally enjoyed having 12 teams. And I'm not just saying that because it was my doing that brought the number of teams up. HoTrain and Lonny Baxter were good, active managers this year and I think they should stay.
Also, it was I who texted Tall Can right before Week 16 and told him to replace Alex Smith and Manny Lawson. That's how much I wanted you to lose, ol' Deebs. That plan worked out just great. Just great.
P.S. Finally, I vote me picking up Derek Anderson as Add of the Year to replace renowned homosexual Jeff Garcia.
Mark, I appreciate the lengthy response, and I can only do it justice by responding to each point.
I'm glad you've become an involved fantasy player. Sure you won with luck in 2005 and 2006, but now you know that paying attention is not only more fun, but also leads you to having a competitive team anyways. And, in your case, if you're faced with injury, you can actually do something to help your team. I would like to warn you that everyone has had a similar rant to yours in concerns to injuries and underperforming players; you're not as special as you think. ;) . However, in general I have been very pleased with your development as a fantasy adversary.
Manager of the Year...maybe. I'd like to remind you that I named Earnest Graham as Dumbest Drop, because you had him on your team for like two weeks. And Selvin Young? You had him for his poor performances in weeks 1 + 2, then you dropped him. I picked him up later. Roddy White? You had him for two shitty weeks as well. Alex got more production out of him. What about Kurt Warner? Dwayne Bowe? Kenny Watson? Andre Davis? Those were some great guys I added, who never played for SploogeOnMyBreakfast, so to claim you had all the great unexpected guys is a little far-fetched.
I will, however, give you credit for Derek Anderson, as he was a guy you actually kept on your team for the whole season. I don't know how I missed that, so maybe you and Alex can share that trophy.
I thought about Manager of the Year, but it's kind of hard to judge. Should I give it to someone like you who drafted a bunch of high-risk/high-reward guys(Brown/Henry/Walker/Romo) and did very well spot-starting? Someone like me who drafted well and filled holes for the long-term? Or someone like Alex who didn't draft particularly well and did a good combination of filling guys in, both short-term and long-term?
For me, it mirrors the debate over who should be coach of the year...Belichick (Me)? Crennel (Mark)? McCarthy (Alex)? Marvin Lewis (Ian)? Herm Edwards (Andy)?
I have no idea.
Also, I don't know where you got the idea that Holden and Ilan were "active" players this year. However, even if they weren't, they were still better than some who have already been named, so they won't be named here.
I look forward to competing against you next year, HomelessNigg (or Mark. or Robinson Zapata. or Pooface. I just made that one up.) You have proven quite a worthy opponent.
OK Michael aka Fantasy Dork or the Man who spends more time on pointless research than anyone else in the world, but I need to get my two cents in after your and Mark's makeout-fest.
Best pick of the draft: P. Willis? Yea he's nasty, but RJ's David Gerrard pick in Rd. 11 or your Dallas Clark pick in Rd. 17 were definitely better pick. I know we're all P Will fans, but if we're talking best pick of the draft, I don't think a defense pick deserves merit. Also, where's the love for the Favre pick 88th overall. Come on. I know I didn't pick it (I was at a Tufts soccer game) but give some credit to my pre-rankings.
Also Manager of the Year cannot go to you cause you won the league. Congrats, we get you're a big fantasy genius AKA a gay dork but you had the advantage of being there for the draft which while entirely fair, gave you a leg-up on 2/3's of the league. I know if I could have I would have been there but the fact remains I still put up the most points in the league. And even though you and Mark both drafted well, you had poor picks: You with Ladell Betts and Brandon Jackson in rounds 7 and 9 respectively, and Mark with Travis Henry in round 1 instead of Peyton Manning and Santana Moss in Round 5. (I just realized I am a gigantic dork for doing all this work to prove a point)
When it comes down to Manager of the Year I feel that I must be the winner. Aside from a fluke loss to Michael in the first round of the playoffs, my team was a force to be reckoned with all year. Aside from a few early season flukey losses (losing to Micahel without Brian Westbrook) I only really lost to Mark and Michael despite not being for the draft and starting with Chad Pennington at QB, a hurt BJ for most of the year, and a sleeping Marques Colston for the beginning of the year. And look at my additions: Roddy White, Fred Taylor, the Giants defense, Wes Welker, and a few crucial Derrick Ward weeks. There is no other candidate for Manager of the Year considering what I started with.
And I take offense to being compared with Mike McCarthy. I have been dominant in the league and lost in the playoffs the past two years on fluky losses (we needn't go into detail), while McCarthy is making the playoffs for the first time this year. I see myself more as a Jack Del Rio in that he adopted some talent (like I did with the draft) but then has been real astute since then in developing a strong football team.
Out like Mike Nolan
uuuhhhhhhh hello i made the finals how can i not go up for manager of the year. and when you say manager of hte year that should include baseball as well where i also made the finals and dominated the league.
Alex...I am writing this because I already know I'm a dork, and am totally cool with that.
Pick of the Draft in my mind is supposed to honor an owner who eyed a player he believed to be the best at the position, and grabbed him. This is much different than say Marks Romo pick; that's a value-pick, because Romo was more of an unknown, and Mark let a whole bunch of QBs fall off the board before drafting him. Clay picked Willis and Lance Briggs back-to-back in the 9th-10th rounds, and while Briggs didn't have a great season, Willis finished with 44 more points than any other defender. No defenders were taken until two rounds later, so hypothetically Clay could have waited, but when you look at all the guys drafted between Willis and the next D guy, most of those players were complete shit.
Thanks for recognizing my Clark pick, but he ended up the 6th ranked TE, and David Garrard was the 13th ranked QB. These were both good value picks, but not "Picks of the Draft", by my all-powerful definition.
I know you're being sarcastic about Favre and your autopicks, but you're also not allowed to knock other peoples draft picks if you weren't at the draft. Criticizing my 7th and 9th round picks is so ridiculous that it doesn't deserve a comment, other than a comment saying that it doesn't deserve one. Also, the pickup of Fred Taylor was very nice, but you "started with" him in the first place, so...
I'll be the first to admit it, it is annoying that you couldn't be there, but I think you were the only person who actually cares that wasn't there. You could have done something about that.
I'm 99.9% positive that the statement about me winning and therefore not being eligible for Manager of the Year is a joke. In addition, your two "fluky" losses were to Mark by 46 after you only scored 112 points, and me by 19 (w/o Westbrook...that's a lot of points to expect from one player.) I had two awful weeks and lost both, and also scored 137 but still lost to Mark. Shit happens.
Also, the fact remains that my team scored more points than you when all was said and done. The argument you presented last night about how the NFL doesn't count points scored in the real playoffs is completely irrelevant.
Yes, you made some good managerial decisions, which I acknowledge, and I also know that you know alot about the game of football, probably more than anyone in the league. But like I said to Mark, I had pickups of Dwayne Bowe, Kurt Warner, Andre Davis, Kenny Watson, etc. I picked up Jason Wright for a bye-week fill-in...so what? I spotted Tedd Ginn, Jr. for TOs bye week, and he got one of his only two touchdowns of the season.
Don't forget poor Mark. Losing Ronnie Brown? Adding Derek Anderson? This is why I didn't do Manager of the Year, because I had no idea who I would choose.
Finally, when you go on your rants about how big of a dork I am, it sounds exactly like dumb high school football stars who can't get over the fact that a smarter kid ended up being way more successful in life than them, so they keep calling him a dork forever just to feel better about themselves, even after he buys a huge mansion and marries a gorgeous black women with curves for light-years.
That is soooo NOT my fantasy.
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