HomelessNigg Presents: A Clash of Titans

My friends, let's be honest with ourselves. We, the humble contributors of DressArchie, have neglected to post for weeks now, partially due to the hilarity of Widukind's latest post but also undoubtedly due to an onslaught of laziness. For awhile, I began to think that the embers of DressArchie were finally dying out, that our small but worthy tribute to the world wide web would be snuffed out like a romantic wax candle on a cool summer's eve. But fear not, my comrades, for ol' HomelessNigg has found something to give new life to this blog. And, like all good discoveries, it began with a phone call call from my brother.

Gentlemen, I was just coming back from the library today when, just outside of the glorious Kappa Alpha fraternity house, something began to buzz inside of my pocket. It was my cellular blowing up, and I was pleased to see that my brother, who I shall hereafter refer to as Bilo, was on the other line. We had spoken very recently, so I immediately knew that the subject of his phone call must involve something extraordinary.

"HomelessNigg!" he shouted into the phone between howls of laughter. "Are you near a computer?"

"Why yes, Brother Bilo," I replied. "I am indeed. What's going on?"

"Dude. I booted up the 'Craft today and started talking shit and I really pissed this guy off," explained Bilo. "He was so pissed that he challenged me to a fight and I told him I'd meet him at this restaurant at Santa Clara, and he actually went there and made a fucking YouTube video about it calling me out! This guy is such a fucking nerd, you have to see this."

Now before I continue, I have a confession to make. Many of you are probably wondering what "the 'Craft" is, and you suspictions are probably about half correct. My brother and I, early in high school, used to play the absurdly nerdy but wondrously fun game called Warcraft III. Laugh if you will, but I was a fucking master of that game, and would pwn n00bs of all sorts on the internet for hours at a time. Now, I have refrained from playing for a few years, but every once in awhile my brother and I get the crazy idea of starting it up again and teaming up to upset nerdy kids on the internet. For me, the idea has been but a fantasy, but apparently ol' Bilo succumbed to the pressure.

The greatest thing about Bilo's gaming habits is that he is a miserable player but talks more shit than anyone in this entire universe. He plays the game more to spew racist insults at nerds nationwide than to actually level up his hero, train a few soldiers, and destroy his opponent's base. To accompany that bizarre but hilarious attitude, the screen name he has chosen is "unfucwitable", the name of a song by the infamous X-Raided, a rapper who is currently in prison and makes his recordings over a prison phone.

But back to the story. Bilo, recovering from his laughter, gave me specific instructions: "Go to YouTube, type in unfucwitable, and click on the only results. Then call me back." He didn't even wait for a response, just hung up. I complied with his instructions, and here is what I found.

That entire video is capping on old Brother Bilo. If you look closely, you can notice his head photoshopped onto numerous individuals performing various homosexual acts. Apparently Bilo must have sent this guy a photo to intimidate him. I thought that was a strange decision on his part, but whatever. I have a strange feeling that Bilo would kick this guy's ass pretty hard.

Anyway, I thought you lads would enjoy this. It's not every day you see your brother slandered by a spectacle-toting nerd on a YouTube video, so it was special for me, at least. And, my, what a soundtrack!

A Joke. With Pictures! Go Internet.

NOTE: I did not make this up, multiple people have posted it around teh int0rnetz. I got it from here, via StumbleUpon, aka The Greatest Thing Ever.

A koala was sitting on a gum tree....... smoking a joint

A little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said:

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit duuuude how much water did you drink???

New Girl Talk...

Some of you probably already have this but the blog's been a little slow lately so I thought I'd inject a little life hopefully. Girl Talk released a new CD end of June this summer but I didn't hear about it really until last night when a friend of mine played it for me.

I've only given it one full listen through so far but I do think its pretty good, although it falls short a little bit of the last album. I feel like he does a few too many things some times on this album. But that doesn't mean there aren't a few golden moments every once in a while. The first 30 seconds of the whole album and the sampling of Raekwon's verse from C.R.E.A.M. on the track "What it's all about," stand out to me. But there are definitely more. Either way its worth having.

Girl Talk's done something a little revolutionary with this album though. He's put it up on the internet at this website: Girl Talk - Feed the Animals, but he doesn't give a price, asking the listener to give his own price, but with extra stuff coming for 5 dollars or more and even more extra stuff for 10 dollars more. You can get the CD for free, you just feel like a bit of asshole. But I still did it for free. Overall, I'd recommend. Hope everyone's liking being back at school.