2009 Fantasy Football Review
Today marks the end of two seasons: that of the New York Giants, and that of our glorious fantasy league. Needless to say, I'm battling depression.
So I'm doing a Fantasy Season Review with awards, and some other stuff that comes to mind as I type it. So here we go, from worst to first based on league standings and the playoffs.
Ho-Train (3-11)
Least Valuable Player
Holden, let me be the first to wish you goodbye from this league. You made 0 moves over the course of the season. You've now come in last the last two years. Clay thought your team was decent, and Mikel put you in the bottom three, but no one I think expected this sort of suckitude. Granted you beat me, but that's not saying much. For this I believe you have earned our LVP award. Goodbye, and good luck in your future endeavors.
I'm not sure if you were there for the draft so I don't know how much credit or shit to give you.
Best Pick: I think you deserve some credit for getting Sydney Rice in Round 11, after already drafting Chris Chambers, Kevin Curtis, Anquan Boldin, Lee Evans, and Santana Moss. He outscored all of them.
Worst Pick: There's a few potential stinkers here. Santana Moss in round 6 is pretty awful, but I gotta go with Lee Evans in round 5. Vincent Jackson was taken two picks later, and Santonio Holmes was taken two picks after that. Clearly better options then Lee Evans.
Mark (5-9)
The I-Was-Abroad-And Barely-Checked-My-Team-So-My-Team-Sucked Award
Markie I actually have a great deal of respect for you as a fantasy team manager. Year after year you make the playoffs or come close, usually making some astute moves in the in the process. This year, not so much. It seems like you checked your team rarely, and did little to turn any heads. That being said, you were abroad, so I understand. Hopefully you'll come back next year with vengeance.
Best Pick: You had three very strong picks in this draft. Schaub, the 5th best QB in the 6th (after Cutler, Romo, and Mcnabb). Colston in the 3rd (after Owens, Carolina Steve Smith, and Dwyane Bowe). But your best pick (and I never though I would type this) has to be Vernon Davis in the 19th. Great Fucking Pick.
Worst Pick: Your first two picks killed you. Barber at 10 and Portis at 15 were both busts. Those picks probably ruined your year.
Juanny Feesh (5-9)
The Second Half Sleeper Award/I Got Trade-Raped With a 30 Inch Long and Can of Beans Wide Dildo Award
Johnny your team had a funny year. You started 0-8. Wow. Talk about poopy. You looked like the Browns in the first half. But some nice pickups (Jamaal Charles, Kenny Britt, Austin Collie) lead to a 5-1 finish. I feel like this always happens to you Fishman. You shoot yourself in the leg early in the season, only to be the team no one wants to face late in the year. I have no evidence for that statement. One of these years though I think you'll break through. That being said, this is the third straight year where you've been in the bottom half, and Mikel called your season before it even started (lots of inconsquential moves, and a bottom 3 finish).
Best Pick: You weren't there for the draft so I can't really give or take too much from you. I think Charles was your best move of the year, he's been dynamite in the second half. And looking at your team, you have some talent. I think your best pick was probably DeSean Jackson in the 5th.
Worst Pick/Move: Your worst picks were clearly Roy E in the 4th, and Royal in the 6th, leading to a weak WR corps. That being said, you win the award for the worst move of the year. I absolutely trade raped you in the Manning and P. Thomas for Cutler and Jacobs trade. You never give up Peyton Manning. Never. I really think this move doomed your season. If you had Manning instead of Cutler and Alex Smith I think you would have been a top half team.
Max B (6-8)
The Forgotten Team Award
I don't think I remember playing your team once. Sorry. I like you. Your team looked pretty mediocre at the draft, and stayed that way all year. Romo was big for you, as was Deangelo "Barksdale" Williams. But other than that you're team is pretty below average. You also have two defenses and kickers. Interesting. I don't know how much you checked your team in the late going, but I expect a stronger performance from you next year.
Best Pick: Clearly Romo in the 4th. He was the best player on your team by a long shot, and was the 7th highest points getter. A good year from a smug bastard.
Worst Pick: Unfortunately for you there are a few picks I would put in here. Tomlinson at 17, Antonio Bryant in the 5th, and Torry Holt in the 8th, were all mediocre. I think the winner is Donnie Avery in the 7th. Eew. He was hurt at the time of the draft as well. You could have avoided him. Good call Clay on this one.
The Deebster (6-8)
The Unlucky/Karma/Stop Complaining Award
Well the Fantasy titan has finally fallen (at least in this league, though he will win a great deal of cash along with RJ in another). This is definitely in large part to being abroad, but I got to admit I kinda like it. But let's be honest, you were definitely unlucky. You put up the 4th highest points total and ended in 8th place. That shouldn't happen. Clay made an impressive call on Rodgers being the highest point getter, and that definitely worked out well for you. You thought you're biggest weakness was your wide receiving corps, but I htink what really screwed you was your depth at RB. There just wasn't enough production there aside from Rice. Whatever, I'm sure you'll be back to your winning ways next year.
Best Pick: Clearly Ray Rice in the 8th. The 4th highest producing RB with the 85th pick is pretty nice.
Worst Pick: I don't really blame you for it cause I made the same mistake in another league but it has to be Slaton at 12. He was horrible this year. I'm sure he fucked many other fantasy owners as well.
Harrison (6-7-1)
The Most Inappropriate Team Name Award
Your team was pretty decent post-draft, but I think your season was pretty predictable. Just good enough to win some games, not good enough to win them when they counted. All you needed was one win in the last two weeks to potentially get in the playoffs, and couldn't beat either Clay or me. That's the difference between the playoffs and mediocrity. You've got a pretty productive team, but I think what you lacked was a second big point getter behind Brees. If Steven Jackson was not on a poopy offense, I think he could have been your guy, but he got the yards and not the TDs.
Best Pick: You made a couple good pickups with Sims-Walker and McGahee when he was hot early so kudos on that. Draftwise, I think your strongest pick was probably Brees at 18. Not very surprising, but without him your team would be much weaker. I also like the Santonio and Thomas Jones picks.
Worst Pick: TO at 31 was pretty bad (and a very Harrison pick) and DHB should never have been on anyone's team. But I gotta say Shawne Merriman at 103 in the 9th. This with your reasoning "When there's a run on defense you gotta pick it" was retarded. There were still good offensive players left instead of this Roid freak.
Me (7-7)
The Trade Raper Award
My team was hated on greatly at the start of the year, and ended up being the 3rd highest point getter. That being said I am very disappointed to not be in the playoffs. I also had a weird season as I won 4 straight, lost 6, then won 3. Losses to John and Holden killed me. My team had good productivity, but really couldn't put it all together when I needed it to. I had two guys do most of my work, but it just wasn't enough to get in the playoffs. A lack of a second running back really hurt as well. That being said I expect to be at the top of the league again next year, and think I have established myself as an upper echelon fantasy football manager.
Best Pick/Move: Obviously my whole year was contingent on the trade rape I performed on John. Peyton Manning was exponentially better then Cutler, and Pierre was also better then Jacobs. Draft wise I like AB44 in the 11th and Donald Driver in the 8th. Lots of production from down there. My Steve Smith NYG pick up was also pretty huge.
Worst Pick: Unfortunately I have a couple that take this award. Witten at 38 was a DISASTER, as was Fast Willy in the 5th and Larry Johnson in the 7th. A failure to handcuff these two was really poorly done on my part.
Moishe Isaacs (7-6-1)
The Overachiever/Worst Name Award
Far and away the worst name in the league. Come on put a little effort into it. Be a little inappropriate. It feels good. Your team put up the 3rd least points yet you finished in 5th. Basically, you got lucky. You're team is full of good, but not great players at their position. I think you haven't made the playoffs any of the years you have been in this league, so I think improvement is needed. That being said you made a couple good moves that helped your chances.
Best Pick: Miles Austin 18th round, pick 212. Let me take my hat off and applaud that one.
Worst Pick: Got to say Matt Forte at 5. I don't really fault you for it as I thought he was gonna have a great year and made the same mistake in another league. But that really hurt your team. Also Julius Jones in the 6th was pretty poor.
Krembo (7-6-1 Regular Season, Probably 4th place in the playoffs)
The Dark Horse Award
You stayed under the radar most of the year and put up solid season. You crawled into the playoffs after a fast start but just getting there is pertty impressive. You were hated on after the draft, but you put together a season that you should be pleased with. Even though football is clearly your second sport after baseball, I think you have established yourself as an upper level fantasy owner. You survived the loss of your first round pick, and your WR's carried you for some time.
Best Pick: There a few strong picks but none really blow me away. Addai in the 5th and Hines Ward in the 6th were both solid picks that didn't get a lot of support. Also, I like the Shiancoe pick in the last round. Your best move, and I hate to say it, was clearly your add of Brett Favre. He's had a huge year for you.
Worst Pick: Bowe at 30. That really did not work out that well.
RJ (7-6-1 Regular Season, Probably 3rd in the playoffs)
The Team that Chris Johnson was On Award
Like me a few years ago with LT, you strapped a saddle on Chris Johnson and rode him into the playoffs (No Homo). As Clay predicted your team was anchored by two very very strong players in him and Rivers, and those picks produced big time for you. That being said, you definitely had some luck on your side. You got to play Ho-Train in the last week of the regular season to get in the playoffs which is nice. You didn't have huge points totals, and you had some pretty terrible picks. That being said you deserve a lot of credit for having success in what also should be considered your second sport. You won the championship last year and defended your title admirably. And you had a huge week last week that could have gotten you into the finals. You are clearly an upper echelon manager.
Best Pick: A tie between Chris Johnson at 9 and Philip Rivers at 33. I know I am repeating myself but these guys were your team this year.
Worst Pick: This was the difference between the top two teams and you. You had a couple of misses and it hurt you bad. McFadden in the 4th was pretty bad (come on you knew Oakland was gonna be terrible) but Derrick Ward in the 5th was worse. That left you scrambling in the second half when you could have used a productive #2.
The Bubs (12-2 Overall, Likely 2nd in playoffs)
The Regular Season Juggernaut Award/San Jose Sharks Award
Like the San Jose Sharks, and many teams before them, Bubs you put together a great regular season only to fall in the finals. Let's face it, your and Clay's teams were head and shoulders above the rest this year, and a huge amount of credit goes to you for the way in which you drafted your team. You made only 10 moves all year, illustrating the outstanding draft you had. Both DB and Clay saw your teams as a strong contender right off the bat, so kudos to them as well. You had the first pick, which made things pretty easy and guaranteed a good number of points, but where you really blew the field away was in the middle rounds. Your picks of Ricky Williams in the 9th, Roethlisfaggot in the 11th, and Mendenhall in the 12th were absolutely crucial in your success this year. You came in second two years ago as well, so I think you have started to establish as a top tier fantasy football manager. All you need is more consistency from year to year.
Best Pick: Clay killed me in his review by pointing out your pick of Dallas Clark 2 rounds after I took Witten, and that was rightfully so. That was clearly a great pick on your part. However, I gotta go with the pick of Ricky Williams in the 9th as your best pick. You already had Brown, so a Ricky handcuff was a smart move, but I don't think anyone expected him to carry the team in the way he has since Ronnie Brown went down. Your team team may have lost a lot of production when Ronnie went down, but you still managed to score the second most points and win the most games. Also the Hightower pick up early on helped cement your RB position.
Worst Pick: Hard to knock a draft that was as productive as yours, but I think I would probably say that Ted Ginn in the 8th was probably your worst pick. He just hasn't been as productive as everybody had hoped, and I don't think many people had him singled out as a potential sleeper. But overall, well done Tall Can.
Ruxin (AKA Clay "I Jock Whatever Team's Are Good in Every Sport" Canielsen 11-3 Overall
League Champion
The Most Obnoxious Winner/Person That I Heard The Most People Say That They Didn't Want To Win/Future Commissioner Award
Clay, I said that I didn't think your team was that great post-draft and lord knows I was wrong. You put up the most points (a pretty ridiculous 127 points per game average), and managed to beat the regular season champ Bubs in the championship. Well done. But I hate you. Also kudos on a great team name, though I watched something on the KKK last night and they actually call themselves Imperial Wizards- so minus points for inaccuracy. But looking at your team, your pretty stacked from hot to bottom. You have a strong QB, two great WR's, and three potent RB's. That might sound like the basis of a championship team, and for you that definitely was the case. You stuck with your guns and took MJD at 4 and that paid off, your next two picks had great years at WR, and had some pretty astute mid round picks. Unlike Archie, you made a whole bunch of moves (which for the most part were pretty inconsequential), but like Bubs you drafted the heart of your team, so hats off in that department. However, there are some questions regarding yourself going into the future. What will you be like as commissioner? Will we play for money? Will there but cuts aside from Ho-Train? How incessantly will you talk about this triumph over the course of the coming year? But more importantly, was this a fluke? I don't think you have ever made the playoffs before this year, and while you said that this was the first year you have taken it really seriously, that seems like a weak excuse. You clearly follow football more than the rest of us (I think Mikel and I might be the only other ones who are even in the same ballpark, albeit you might be on homeplate while we're in the bleachers) but so far that hasn't resulted in fantasy success. I think the league can definitely succeed under your control, and I look forward to everybody naming their teams making fun of you (which should be a yearly tradition that we do towards the commissioner).
Best Pick: This one is a no-brainer for me. Benson with the 93rd pick overall in the 8th round. He was as productive as an earlier round RB despite some injury troubles, and he was HUGE for your team this year.
Worst Pick: I honestly have no real issues with your draft. The biggest problem I have with it is that after your first 12 picks or so, hardly any of those players were of any consequence for your team, but who knows what one is getting in the late rounds anyways.
Well this took me two days to write and required a fair amount of work. I hope you enjoy this as a sort of wrap-up to the league that we all know and love. As a bonus (and really as a joke, I am doing my First Annual Pre-Season Rankings for next year of the league).
12. Ilan
11. Harrison
10. TK/Myles/Whoever we have taking over for Ho-Train
9. John
8. Kremer
7. Archie
6. Max B
5. RJ
4. Clay
3. Mark
2. Deebster
1. Me (Cause it wouldn't be a proper ranking without putting myself atop of it).
