A Penny (Or Any Other Spare Change) For My Thoughts: Memoirs of a Homeless Black Man

DoucheGuy

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My friends, in these past few weeks I have found myself mired in a swamp of deep reflection. My thoughts have varied like the tumultuous flight of the butterfly, so I have chosen to write this post in Scott Ostler form, i.e. a buncha lil' bullet points. So here is HomelessNigg's very own version cheap shots, deep thoughts, and bon mots.

• First, a query: Do you think we would still be friends with Abriendo if he regularly coiffed his hair like that? I'm inclined to think no. Unless he brought me a Nihat jersey from Turkey, which he is going to do anyway.
• Speaking of Turkey, kudos to those lads for a great Euro 2008 performance. I don't want to just jump on the "Praise the Turks" bandwagon here like every commentator I've heard, but it is pretty incredible that an already underwhelming team won some incredible games and dominated Germany for large parts of the semi-final when they were missing 7+ regulars. Turkish delight, indeed! I'm excited to see how Nihat, who's been playing brilliantly for Villareal both in real life and in my FIFA '07 franchise (yep, still going strong) will rub off on Jozy Altidore. I just hope, if Jozy is really as good as he seems, the US team doesn't turn into a North American version of Romania - relying pretty much on one dude (Mutu) to score every goal for his side.
• Speaking of Altidore, I really like that guy. I remember seeing an interview of the fella and he just seemed so composed, so genuine. I also learned through Sports Illustrated that he sends over 500 texts a day to his friends. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Can you get carpel tunnel from doing that shit?
• You know what's really been pissing me off lately? Beer commercials. Hey, I appreciate the wonderful people at Coors and truly enjoy what they do, but I don't need a bunch of fucking mountains to turn blue to let me know that my beer is cold. I also despise that little gimmick because it reminds me of one from my childhood that I fell for. I forget the name of the cereal, but I distinctly remember Count Chocula telling me that the instant my milk touched that cereal, little ghosts would fly up in the air and fill the room. Bought the cereal, poured the milk. No fucking ghosts. I was crushed.
• Also, I have a question for the good people at Anheuser-Busch. What the fuck does "superior drinkability" even mean? I would argue that anything with carbonation has inferior drinkability; you can't chug it nearly as well. Whoever thought of that little advertising phrase should investigate the drinkability of a nice hot cup of Hemlock Tea. The Socrates kind, of course.
• I watched a bit of the NBA Draft today. Obviously, I was most interested in the fate of the Lopez twins, and where they ended up was intriguing indeed. One twin falls a bunch of spots on the draft board while the other leaps up it? How does that work? I like both of those guys, but I just can't see them being too great in the NBA. Too skinny, too unathletic. Also, the Disney thing worries me. I just can't see how you can go from singing "Pink Elephants on Parade" from Dumbo in the locker room to having an ultra-aggressive mentality on the court an hour later. "Have You Ever Seen an Elephant Fly" could work, though.
• Finally, back to the world of football. I Tivo'd the Spain v. Russia match and refused to look at my text messages all day yesterday. Unfortunately, as I was passing through Letterman Gym with my 14 lil' kindergarteners in Swimming Camp, my retard of a co-worker came up to me from behind, shook my shoulders, and screamed, "ESPAGNAAA!!" I would have slapped him across the face, but it would have set a bad example for the children. Also, little Kelly pooped herself about 2 minutes later, so I wouldn't have had much time if it had escalated into mortal combat. No joke, it was a "Code Brown" day at Y-Camp.
• My official updated prediction for the Euro 2008 final: Germany overcomes a sluggish start and a piece of magic from Fernando Torres to trump Spain 2-1. Klose and Ballack on the scoresheet for the Germans. Don't forget where ya heard it first.

As you probably could tell, I really had no material for this post, but I just felt like putting something on the ol' blog. Hope y'all enjoyed it. Let's get hammered tomorrow night.

Out like Arshavin from Zenit.

What hiatus? Summer jamz for sunny dayz..

I am in the work force. This mean pretty much nothing considering I have time to do this post while I am in the office, but the down hours during my employment has also yielded one of my newest pass time--the search for international music on the world wide web. Yes, there is plenty of music being made in the US to satisfy my music cravings, but something about the tracks created in the Caribbean and Africa really embodies some of my favorite ideals of the summertime. I just saw a band from Kenya perform, and it was a completely different music experience. One of my favorite websites as of late has been reggae-vibes.com, where I delve into the Top 20 Dancehall and Reggae charts from Kingston. This is the video for the number one reggae track on the island right now, and I thought I would put it up to hold ya'll over until I can get all the links together for the music that will be up by tomorrow... Black Judah ft. Warrior King - Mercy Please



Upcoming highlights include Richie Spice, Half Pint, Extra Golden, and many more...

Quote of the Year?

Toronto Blue Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi was asked about acquiring Adam Dunn on his talk show the other day. He said:

Do you know the guy really doesn't like baseball that much? Do you know the guy doesn't have the passion to play the game that much?...We've done our homework on guys like Adam Dunn and there is a reason why we don't want Adam Dunn. I don't want to get into specifics. He is a lifetime .230 to .240 hitter that strikes out a ton and hits home runs.

Dunn, predictably miffed, replied:

I have a lot more important things to worry about than what some windbag GM in Canada says about me...Passion? He can say what he wants about the strikeouts and that I don't fit in their scheme, whatever, but you can't tell me about something you have no idea about. You're not even in the U.S., you're in Canada.

USA, FTW.

Worst Blog Post Ever? (No, not this one. Asshole.)

I probably should have known that reading Curt Schilling's blog would be a bad idea. It was. What an idiot.
I'll keep the summary short; Schilling wrote a blog post a few days ago on his observations of Game 2 of the NBA finals, and ripped into Kobe Bryant for being a bad teammate. Kobe responded by saying "Go Yankees!", and now there's a whole hullabaloo. (Quick note: I feel bad for the NBA. What could have been the best playoffs in a long time simply degraded in to a few boring months dominated by home teams and fake rivalries. Basically, Chris Paul needs to make the Finals in 2009.)
Anyways, before he offered the public his unparalleled knowledge of basketball, Schilling spoke about the recent spat between Manny Ramirez and Kevin Youkilis. Here's what he had to say:

Manny vs. Youk, round 1. Trust me, this was a TOTAL non-issue and an event that happens far far more than you ever see or hear about. Many times, most times, events like this play out in clubhouses and no one outside the team ever knows about it. Bottom line is that 99 times out of 100 these are never personal, just like this one...It happens, punches might get thrown, and it ends, and we move on.

Guru Schilling then provides his analysis of Kobe's leadership skills:

Kobe. This one stunned me a little bit. Who doesn’t know Kobe Bryant right? I only know what I have heard, starting awhile back with the entire Shaq debacle... From the first tip until about 4 minutes left in the game I saw and heard this guy bitch at his teammates. Every TO he came to the bench pissed, and a few of them he went to other guys and yelled about something they weren’t doing, or something they did wrong. No dialog about “hey let’s go, let’s get after it” or whatever. Let me reiterate that this is from a complete basketball newbie, so for all I know this could be exactly how these guys play this game and interact with each other.

Apparently Schilling is also a complete "compiling-an-effective-argument newbie" . These two quotes are so completely contradictory I'm not even sure what to say. I just can't believe it took someone who doesn't know anything about basketball to figure out the reason the Lakers swept the Nuggets, beat the Jazz in 6, and the Spurs in 5 was because they had terrible chemistry. Duh!

This whole post is made even better by the fact that Schilling himself is supposed to be a huge dick. God damnit.

Out like me ever reading Curt Schilling's blog again.

Euro 2008 thoughts (or more appropriately thought)...

Which would you rather:


or...



As I have watched ESPN's coverage of the Euro 2008's this past few days few things have made me happier than ESPN having only British guys announcing the games. Gone are the days of Marcelo Balboa and all the other American has-been's critiquing the best players in the world. To all non-soccer people out there that would be Brian Scalabrine critiquing Michael Jordan. Or to all you non-basketball people out there Sinbad hating on Richard Pryor.

As I listened to Andy Grey (the color commentator on the FIFA video games of my youth) announce today's soccer game, I found myself to be laughing on multiple occasions and I came to a realization. Almost anything said out of the mouth of a Scotsmen sounds kind of funny. Like when in the Portugal game where the keeper came out and the other announcer called it a move of confidence and Grey responded "Confidence? Extravagence I would call it" or in today's game where the other announcer commented that a ball kicked out of bounds was to no one and Grey said "No it wasn't. It was kicked perfectly to that guy in the 7th row".

If British announcers are so funny and good at announcing for soccer would they translate well to other sports? I for one believe they would. British announcers are critical of players, unlike American announcers (watch Chris Berman talk about Brett Favre), and often they let the game speak for itself. I would much rather hear a British dude announce American football, which might be heresy, than hear Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.

Joe Buck: Wow, I can't believe we had to show Randy Moss mooning the crowd.
Troy Aikman: I completly agree with you Joe, because it reminds me of the time I mounted you in a cheap hotel room.


In conclusion: make British announcers announce all Sporting events except for ones involving: Kruk and Kuip, Doc Emrick (he's the guy who does hockey), the guy who does football with the amazing voice, Jon Miller, and Charles Barkley.

Out like reading Bill Simmons.

Widukinds Diary Entry #18

I have perfected my argument for San Francisco Giants fans unabashed support for Barry Bonds during his extensive tenure here in this great city, which comes from a recent revelation I had (definitely not while sitting at work): nobody cheers for shitty players because they happen to be really nice guys. People cheer for great players, and sometimes they conveniently happen to be good guys and good sports. Nobody would have liked Larry Bird if he had sucked. If Larry Bird went out every night bricking free throws, committing dumb fouls, and turning the ball over, would Boston fans cheer for him and still worship him today?
You see, being nice is just icing on the cake. A cake without icing is a brownie. A lot of fucking people like brownies. But nobody likes eating icing. Sure, a scoop or two is nice, and provides you with the opportunity to say "Look, I'm just eating the icing! Lulz..." and to show that you're daring and "going against the grain", but after a while you get sick of it because it's no fun and you just end up looking like an idiot. It's like cheering for Marvin Benard. (I have no idea whether or not he was nice, but he looked kinda friendly, and he did suck.) Everybody else in the country was simply jealous because San Francisco had Barry Bonds, so they had to play on him being an asshole and a liar to use it against us by calling us bad fans. But I can guarantee that none of those people cheered for Marvin Benard. Nobody cares about Marvin Benard. Nobody looked at the Giants in 2000 and said, "You know, Bonds is such a dick, but how 'bout that Benard guy? Wow, is he nice. I'm going to buy his Fathead." People these days make such a big deal when professional athletes are dicks, but nobody cares when a regular dude is nice. People like to rip on Bonds for being a "cheater", an asshole, and a liar. In their eyes, this made San Franciscans (and Bay Areans) bad fans. But until those people can prove that they themselves put personality before stardom in terms of who they root for, those people should shut up. Face it; nobody cares about Marvin Benard. Nobody eats icing.

After fleshing out this argument, I present my indestructible defense of Barry Bonds and us Giants faithful, a list I hope any readers will use in contention of their bigot college friends.
Scenario 1) Some asshole actually tries to bring up the steroids topic in a direct attack on Bonds. This argument is so tired and irrelevant that you might as well take a dump on the person's shoes and just walk away. This tactic is especially effective, because you're essentially saying "You're so low that I deem it worthy to poop on you, but you're so low that I don't even warrant this an appropriate situation in which to expend some significant effort and poop on your face." Everyone did steroids. No one else hit 762. No one else is a member of the 400/400 or 500/500 club. No one else won 7 MVPs. We need to just leave the steroid era behind us, and if that means pretty much forgetting about Barry, then that's a fine compromise with me. Baseball has such an unbelievably bright future right now, and it would be a shame to let the real assholes like Mark Fainaru-Wada and George Mitchell keep ruining it.
Scenario 2) Someone discredits Giant fans intelligence because we continued to support Barry, despite swirling accusations of steroids and the fact that he was a dick. I defended this attack here. If you're too lazy to read that, just do the following: someone says "San Franciscans are all sheep", you say "Lance Armstrong won 7 Tour de Frances in a row, after chemotherapy, amid steroid accusations, and while alot of his competitors eventually got linked to doping. But every American still loves him." There are holes, but it works.
Scenario 3) Someone says Barry was not a team player, rude to the media, and an asshole. Probably all true. But to this you can say "He played his ass off in '02 during the World Series, fuck the media, (and then a condensed version of what I wrote above about Marvin Benard and cake)." I haven't tried it out yet, but it's obviously completely foolproof.

I'm out like Barry Bonds playing again. About a third of me would love to see him come back and DH for someone like the Indians, but two-thirds of me realize it's time to let it go, and that it would feel pretty shitty if he happened to win a World Series not in a Giants uniform.

EDIT: Hungryfortacos has kindly reminded me that "Barry is old news". Despite the fact that I say that already in this post, twice, I would like to clarify that yes, he is old news. But people like to argue, and people like to win arguments even more. This post is fsimply or anyone who gets encountered by a Barry hater, because they will be around. Forever.

Wale: The Mixtape About Nothing

Many of you have already heard Wale's newest drop in my car in the past week. Like his first mixtape 100 Miles and Running that was posted on this blog, this new Seinfeld inspired opus is pure gold. Over this past year, Wale has been on the verge of coming out with some material that is going to push him into superstardom, and this newest work may be what he needed to that final push. After a couple of listens through the entire mixtape you start to realize the things that set Wale apart from a lot of other hip hop acts, such as his lyrics, which touch on issues other than bitches, hoes, and Louis Vuitton (there is a mention of Gucci sneaks, but I will let it slide). Another aspect of his music that makes it so grabbing to me is the different tempos that he utilizes in his music. One of my favorite tracks "The Bmore Club Slam" uses a tempo that I have never really recognized in hip hop, and the song BUMPS. Listen to the whole thing through, and although the first half of the album is usually what is listened to, the best tracks come after track 8 or 9. This should not detract from the first half, which is almost equally as good and has featured artists such as Bun B and Pusha T. Favorite tracks: "The Feature Heavy Song", "The Freestyle", "The Manipulation", "The Artistic Integrity", "The Bmore Club Slam", and "The Hype". Enjoy.

Wale - The Mixtape About Nothing

Let me take a trip down memory lane...

The other day I was writing my last paper before finals while listening to Jay-Z's Reasonable Doubt and texting HungryforTacos. Admittedly, Reasonable Doubt is a new album for me. I've always liked Hov's flow but I never got around to collecting his tracks. But, as I listened early to Shaun Carter, I couldn't help but think of his lifetime rival's first album.

Nas' first album, Illmatic, is hands down my favorite album ever. The album came out two years before Jay-Z's debut and despite their regional similarity (Nas is from Queensbridge and Jay-Z is from Brooklyn) the two rappers have very distinct flows. It is almost disappointing how good the album was given Nas' career. The entire album was recorded when Nas was only 19 yet the content and lyrics are some of the smartest and, astoundingly, some of the most profound I've ever been witness too. Here's one example from "Memory Lane":

Rap divine Gods check the prognosis, is it real or showbiz?
My window faces shootouts, drug overdoses
Live amongst no roses, only the drama, for real
A nickel-plate is my fate, my medicine is the ganja

Or this example from "N.Y. State of Mind":

It drops deep as it does in my breath
I never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of death
Beyond the walls of intelligence, life is defined
I think of crime when I'm in a New York state of mind

"Beyond the walls of intelligence, life is defined"? From a kid on the streets my age? Nas didn't even finish eighth grade. I'm continually impressed. Maybe that was the problem. This album was real, it was when he was still on the streets, still connected. Since then it just hasn't been the same. Besides the lyrics, though, the beats are unbelievable. Check the base lines in "N.Y. State of Mind." Correction, smoke, then check that base. Sick.

Nas - Illmatic (Full Album)

Highlight tracks for those without much time include "It Ain't Hard to Tell," "Represent," "Memory Lane," and "New York State of Mind," a song I believe may be my favorite song ever.

Now I'm sure the more esteemed rap collectors on this blog have had this album forever and this post may feel repetitive, but when was the last time you listened to an Illmatic track? Been a while I bet. (Watch me be wrong of course.)

I'd also be interested in reading some predictions about the upcoming Euro 2008 Cup from some of the more knowledgeable footy fans here.

Wisdom be leaking out my grapefruit